Silver Dove (Silver #2) by E.J. Shortall

Author:E.J. Shortall [Shortall, E.J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: E.J. Shortall
Published: 2014-10-28T00:00:00+00:00

Breathe. Focus. Clear the mind. That was my mantra as I pounded the streets trying to take my anger out on my legs and run from my feelings, and what would no doubt be waiting for me when I got back to the house. Amber hadn’t followed me when I’d returned home and I was glad. I’d needed time to wrap my head around her bombshell. I’d pulled on my grey jersey shorts, black t-shirt and trainers, and on my way out had grabbed my iPod for some music distraction. I was sweating like a pig and pushing myself harder than I ever had before just to rid myself of the thoughts persistently circling my head. “Temper Temper” by Bullet For My Valentine was raging in my ears and it pushed me further. It made me run harder, faster, trying to run from the reality of our situation, from the fucked up mess I had just created.

The song came to an end and the playlist shuffled to “Animal I Have Become.” I realised I’d been running without thinking and had deviated from my usual route. I found myself in the gardens we’d been in earlier and I looked around to see if Amber was still around. Part of me wanted to see her so we could talk; the other part hoped she wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk. She wasn’t there. Dropping down onto the grass, I laid back and stared up at the cloudless blue sky. I was a dick. A self-absorbed arsehole so caught up in his own thoughts and problems that he failed to be there to support the one individual who made him a better person. The only one who could ground him so he saw the world in bright, rich colour and not just black and white.

Amber’s pregnant?

I’m going to be a dad?

Holy shit! I didn’t even know how to process that. It hadn’t been something I’d been expecting, at least not for another couple of years or so.

Am I ready to be a dad?

I had only just begun to take responsibility for myself since meeting Amber; did I really have what it took to be a good dad, to be firm but supportive?

And what about Amber and me?

I knew my future was with her and I couldn’t imagine ever being apart from her, but I worried that bringing a baby into the equation would surely change things between us. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and looked out over the gardens. My gaze landed on a man swinging a laughing little boy around.

What if my son or daughter doesn’t like me?

I was lucky that I’d grown up with two loving parents but I’d seen the broken families, ones like Aleisha’s, where the kids detested their fathers simply because they existed. Okay there was usually more to the story but I would never want that. Because of my own insecurities, I needed to feel the love and respect of those closest to me.

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