Satisfactions by Gerlach Peter K

Author:Gerlach, Peter K. [Gerlach, Peter K.]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781453506554
Publisher: Xlibris US
Published: 2010-05-20T16:00:00+00:00

Pause. Breathe well. Notice with interest what your subselves are “saying” now. If you wish to adjust one or more of your attitudes to enhance your communication effectiveness, which ones? Is anything in the way of your shifting your attitude? Use awareness and “parts work” to find out…

Besides key attitudes, another prerequisite for problem-solving effectiveness is…

Fluency in the Other Six Communication Skills

What are you fluent at? Fluency is unconscious proficiency at something, as judged by someone. You may have gained fluency in feeding yourself a relatively healthy diet every day. Fluency at a language, raising kids, or writing poetry grows from motivation, awareness, and practice. It also draws on innate skills. The seven prior chapters offer you a mosaic of concepts to help you build your awareness of what to practice, toward becoming fluent at resolving need conflicts. This chapter adds to the mosaic by outlining a framework for your seventh mental/verbal skill: problem solving. This skill might also be called need filling.

Recall the premise that to be effective, communication between two subselves or two people (inner families) must result in . . .

. . . all participants genuinely feeling that they got enough of their current primary needs filled, . . .

. . . in a way that leaves them feeling good enough about _ themselves, _ their partner/s, and _ the processes (communication sequences) in and between them.

Problem-solving skill focuses the impacts of your other six skills to help fill your respective current needs. Here’s a framework for how to problem-solve with two or more people or subselves. Contrast these steps to arguing, avoiding, and fighting. As with the nine assertion steps, you don’t need all these steps in every situation.

Problem-solving Steps

The basic problem-solving process offers you many choice-points:

1) Acknowledge that you have conflicting or unfilled needs, without guilt, anxiety, or shame. Common false-self alternatives are denial (“What problem?”), minimizing (“It’s not that big a deal,”), whining and complaining, (“It burns me up that . . .”), and avoiding (“I’ll tackle it later”). Which do you usually do, with challenging life problems?

2) Check to see if your Self is guiding your inner family. If “Yes,” go ahead. If “No,” or “I’m not sure,” invest time in identifying which of your subselves think you have a problem, and what they each need now. If you’re not familiar with working with your subselves, see the companion book “Who’s Really Running Your Life?” When you feel some mix of calm, centered, energized, light, focused, resilient, up, grounded, relaxed, alert, aware, serene, purposeful, and clear, your true Self is probably leading your inner family of subselves.

3) If your Self feels you have a problem, decide how serious it is. Options range from “minor” to “crisis.” For minor problems, decide when and how you want to resolve them, and move on. For “significant” needs or conflicts (in your Self’s judgment) . . .

4) Decide what level and type of problem you have, because they’re each solved differently:

A conflict among your inner-family members (Chapter 9); and/or…

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