Rock Bottom by Mallory Borrelli

Author:Mallory Borrelli [Borrelli, Mallory]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography/Personal Memoirs
Publisher: Elm Hill
Published: 2019-02-27T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

The Call

Sometimes I wonder if there was something I could’ve done to prevent what was yet to come, maybe if I hadn’t ignored the warning signs. I was thinking of the kids, but the kids cared about their father. Would I have been a better mother if I had cared for him more, tried a little harder, or drug him to rehab? Would my kids not have to suffer the sacrifice if I had taken more action and loved him with everything that I had like I was supposed to do when I was his wife?

I don’t think there were any right or wrong answers, but when something like this happens, you can’t help but think, what if? You can’t help but place some sort of blame on yourself. People always tell me that I did everything I could, but did I really? Or people will say there was nothing else I could’ve done, but was there not? Then there were those who said it was my fault, but was it? In my eyes at the time there was plenty that I could’ve done. In fact, there’s a million trillion things I could’ve done to turn this all around.

The reality is though when something like this happens, it is never someone else’s fault, but at the time, it is hard to believe that. What I have learned through my healing is that we are all given second chances and some of us third, fourth, and fifth ones.

My ex-husband, children’s father, and friend had numerous chances to turn his life around and several times he had. At some point in our lives, we must take responsibility for our actions and words. Everyone has the opportunity to make their life better. I have heard stories from highly successful people talk about how they made it to the top with negatives in their bank accounts. I have heard stories of homeless people finding great jobs and becoming the top CEO of their company or ex-drug addicts who ran highly skilled rehab facilities. Other people can’t make our choices for us. They can influence us, but we ultimately make our own decisions. For some people, that is a hard concept to accept, but it’s the truth, no matter how harsh that may sound.

It wasn’t too long after Christmas, in the middle of the night, when I woke up to my phone ringing over and over again. It was a few minutes past midnight. I was in such a deep sleep that I didn’t hear my phone ringing until maybe the fourth call. I had lost my dog the week before and had several people all over the county and even in other states looking for him. He got out of our fence a week prior. So many people were trying to help me that, when I woke up to answer this random number, still half asleep, I thought the girl on the phone crying was talking about my dog. She was so hysterical and just kept saying, “He’s gone, he’s gone.

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