Rejection Free: How to Choose Yourself First and Take Charge of Your Life by Confidently Asking For What You Want by Scott Allan

Author:Scott Allan [Allan, Scott]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Oblictus Publishing
Published: 2016-07-03T04:00:00+00:00

Relationships that are based on a give-and-take strategy don’t experience the unconditional love that could be fostered if practicing these four simple principles. But the “I’ll love you if you love me”—in any relationship, not just romantic—sets you up for failure.

As soon as one person decides that they’re not sharing that love anymore, it’s gone. Your unconditional-love pact has ended. You must wake up to this truth if you are going to get over this massive hurdle. It is time to accept that the unconditional love that you should have had as a kid most likely isn’t going to happen.

One lesson I learned from having been through several dependency-type relationships is this: You can’t get something from someone if they aren’t willing or capable of sharing. Nobody can give you what he or she doesn’t have. And the fact is, relying on someone to fulfill all of your needs isn’t going to work out in the end.

If you have really deep issues around codependency, you might need a big push to get yourself to take action. You’ll only be lovable when you can learn to give it away. The cure isn’t complicated—look at how you interact in relationships and take a moment to tap into your feelings. Are you being genuine, or putting up a front? Are you being completely open, or do you feel that you’re hiding your true self for fear of being exposed? Are you interested in this relationship because of its potential, or is there an underlying motive?

Unconditional love is getting to that place where you can accept yourself completely, without illusions of perfectionism or feeding into the needy wants of a childhood ego. Unconditional love isn’t what you have to have for everyone, but it is what you need for yourself and your children. Most of our rejection-persona issues stem from childhood. They started there, and it is too late to go back and fix what was done. But you can start moving forward today.

Focus on loving yourself in a way that you never were as a child. Revisit your childhood and re-experience those feelings of shame, guilt, and rejection. Reach out to yourself and give the love that was withheld.

Visualize yourself wanting these things as a child and not getting them. Walk yourself through the pain of those moments. Pull yourself back in if you try to escape. Stay focused on that memory and let it happen. See yourself wanting that approval and getting rejected for it.

Tapping into these memories brings up painful emotions. But these are the feelings that you have been escaping from most of your life. By avoiding what happened, you are keeping the lies that built this false persona. Exposing the truth and fully realizing that it was not your fault frees you from this pain over time.

It all begins with you.

Chapter Wrap-up

Look for areas in your life where you expect love but you aren’t getting it. Is it from your wife, husband, partner, or lover? Your children? Do you

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