Reason to Return by Ericka Andersen

Author:Ericka Andersen [Andersen, Ericka]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Living / Women's Interests, RELIGION / Christian Living / Spiritual Growth
ISBN: 9781641585682
Publisher: The Navigators
Published: 2023-01-17T00:00:00+00:00

A Dating Story

I discovered how to do this well back when I was single. In my twenties, dating was something I felt like I had to do but was uncomfortable. That said, I knew that it was one proactive way to find a partner. I hadn’t done a lot of dating or had many boyfriends by that time, but once I hit the second half of the decade, I started to feel like I would never meet someone if I didn’t put myself out there. Sigh. Wasn’t this supposed to be organic? Wasn’t God supposed to orchestrate this thing? It was against my nature to push for dates, but I skeptically entered the world of online dating.

First I just dipped my toe in by signing up for a free thirty-day account on a dating site. Then I created a profile and began chatting with one man who signaled his interest. We chatted for weeks on end, but eventually we needed to meet in order to find out if this was ever going to be something more. Our first date was fine. I was nervous, but it was boring and he was unimpressive. I didn’t feel a connection, but I wasn’t sure if it would’ve been normal to feel one so early anyway, so I agreed to a second date. The second date went badly, and I cringed until the moment I could go home. That set me back a few months, but eventually I signed up for a different dating program and started to investigate again. I began chatting with a couple of new guys and decided that this time I didn’t want to wait weeks to meet up. There would be a spark or not, and I’d rather find out right away than waste my time with false hope.

Suffice it to say that I had a few more failed attempts on the online circuit. However, I knew of so many couples who had met online that I felt like it was still possible for me.

A book I stumbled across changed everything. Essentially, the book’s advice was to view dating less seriously. Rather than think of every first date as an opportunity to meet a potential spouse, the book urged me to consider it instead a curiosity-based experiment—in other words, to enjoy the company of someone new without expectations of it leading somewhere romantic. Everyone has some positive qualities, and even if you are not ultimately a match, you can still extract pleasure and learn something new from a date.

I soon began going out with more guys without overthinking it and without letting discomfort get the best of me. I went out with five or six guys over the next few months, none of whom were a match but all of whom provided a decent evening chat. I started thinking of guys as humans made in God’s image rather than grading them on the husband scale, which made dating far less stressful.

I began to recognize that just getting out of my comfort zone helped me learn more about what I wanted and what would be a good fit for me.

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