Raising Our Hands by Jenna Arnold

Author:Jenna Arnold
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781950665242
Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.
Published: 2020-03-25T00:00:00+00:00

the injustice

Men’s ability to opt out of conversations that involve others’ pain or require vulnerability stops the gears of justice from turning. This has been true whether they have been perpetrators of harm, witnesses to it, or decision makers sitting behind Congressional microphones at hearings. Some white men have been raised to have such a shiny, sturdy, superhero-sized shield propped up in front of them that even when they see their wives and their daughters struggling, nothing rocks them; if they don’t have a quick fix, they disassociate themselves from their pain. Embarrassed that they don’t know how to process others’ vulnerability, some men just act oblivious to it. Psychologist Avi Klein says that “shame is the emotional weapon that allows patriarchal behaviors to flourish. The fear of being emasculated [through inability to navigate vulnerable, tense, confusing, guilt-provoking situations] leads men to rationalize awful behavior. This kind of toxic shame is in direct contradiction with the healthy shame that we all need to feel in order to acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility.”31

As I mentioned, some theories assert that all of us, but men in particular, haven’t developed past the adolescent stage of emotional development. This may be because we as a society have never forced them to go beyond the archetypes found on movie screens and in Calvin Klein underwear ads and video games. But the #MeToo movement has changed this for some men. It has put white men in particular into the previously unheard-of position of being challenged, which is forcing them to acknowledge and speak to others’ pain—a new concept for some. “This moment has done them a favor,” Klein says, “bringing up uncomfortable feelings that they’re better equipped to ignore and avoid . . . It’s just forced its way in.”32 Just like we white women, white men are in the middle of a reckoning—not just about past wrongs individually and collectively, but also about what gender norms should look like in the future.

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