Race You to the Fountain of Youth by Martha Bolton Brad Dickson

Author:Martha Bolton, Brad Dickson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-10-11T16:00:00+00:00

Red Flags That Warn a Man He’s Getting Older

You watch a Brady Bunch rerun, and instead of Peter Brady, you suddenly identify with Sam the Butcher.

You buy a convertible for its “youth appeal” and are shocked to notice sixty people on a passing bus simultaneously pointing and laughing at your hair plugs.

You have your first date with a woman who says you remind her of her dad, only you’re grayer.

You spend two-thirds of your free time perusing pamphlets for devices (with names like “Super Belly-Deflater”) to decrease the size of your gut.

Once a week your wife gathers all the hair from your shower drain into two lawn bags she sets out by the curb.

The trash collectors refuse to take the above bags because they’re too heavy.

The “oldies” radio station is playing songs from when you were in your midthirties.

Your teeth are the same color as a Yield sign.

The only place you can hear all your favorite songs is on the supermarket PA system.

You allot an extra four minutes to getting ready in the morning so you can shave your ears.

You’re above the median age at a Beach Boys concert, which is the same thing as being above the median age in a cemetery.

You lose the TV remote in a crease in your forehead.

You set your alarm for 4:00 a.m. so you can watch the infomercial for guys who are going bald.

You have to replace the bedroom carpet you wore out going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Men around forty start referring to you as “Pops.”

You gain twenty pounds in six months—all in your prostate.

Older people are even starting to look young to you. For example, you keep mistaking Larry King for Ryan Seacrest.

Instead of chocolate, your last birthday cake was oat bran.

All your favorite programs are on TV Land.

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