Parenting with a Story by Paul Smith

Author:Paul Smith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: AMACOM

So far in this chapter we’ve talked only of kindness to our fellow human beings. But most of us also share some level of compassion for the other species we share our planet with. Apparently the degree to which we extend that compassion can be influenced at an early age by the stories we hear. A prime example of that comes from Anand Jayaraman in his youth growing up in India.

When Anand was only four or five years old, he often visited his maternal grandfather in India’s port city of Kochi. On one such visit, Anand was outside in the yard playing. He’d found a row of ants marching across a long plank of wood. As his grandfather walked by, he saw Anand banging on the plank with a stone, knocking the ants to the ground. So he said to him, “You shouldn’t do that. Those ants didn’t do anything to harm you.”

He must have known the boy didn’t fully understand, so he went on to describe the ants and what they must be doing in more human terms. He engaged Anand in a story about the ants that went something like this: “Those ants are just on their way home from work. They’ve been out collecting grass and leaves to take home for their families to eat. And it’s probably a long way home for them.” Then, kneeling down, he pointed to one ant now on the ground. “That one there. He might have a wife and children at home waiting for him. He’s probably hungry and just wants to get home to have dinner himself. But now it will take him much longer to get there because you’ve knocked him off his path. That is, if he ever gets home. He might be lost now and never find his way home. Then he’ll never see his family again.”

The story had a profound impact on Anand. It taught him to empathize with living things he wouldn’t normally have empathy for. And he’s returned to that story many times over his life. In fact, when he was in college, recalling that story of the ants moved him to adopt a completely vegetarian diet for a period of time.

Today, Anand has a family of his own, including two daughters, Meghna and Meha. When Meghna was about four years old, Anand and his wife served fish for dinner one evening. Meghna tasted it, liked it, and ate the whole serving. But reflecting back on the meal after dinner, she asked, “Was that a real fish or was it a cartoon fish like Nemo?” Anand told her it was a real fish. Then he told her his grandfather’s story of the ants. Over the next few weeks, without being pushed by her parents, Meghna chose to not eat any more meat. Anand himself still goes through periods when he eats meat and periods when he doesn’t. So he doesn’t push her one way or the other and leaves the choice strictly up to his children.

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