Painfully Beautiful by Josalyn Harris

Author:Josalyn Harris [Harris, Josalyn]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Urban, African American, Fiction
ISBN: 9781484940600
Google: rN4gnwEACAAJ
Amazon: 1484940601
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
Published: 2013-06-20T04:00:00+00:00

TRACK 13

Life is getting better. I have been talking to Mama T a lot she’s like my therapist. She has so much insight on how I’m feeling right now. I never knew that she had been through all that stuff. She didn’t give up, she allowed herself to love and be loved. She is happy now. She has a new man in her life and if she can do it so can I. I have started back shopping, going clubbing and showing my face at certain events. I haven’t had a drink since that night either. Things are starting to feel normal again. One step forward and one step backwards, I saw Ky today while I was out shopping and all the progress that I have made flew out the window. I’m sitting on the hood of Von’s car contemplating on should I call Ky. He looked so sexy today, and when he saw me his eyes said that he needed me to hold him and make love to him and that he wanted us to start all over. People might not understand how I can tell all that by a look. But I can I know him better than anybody else and I know he misses me. He knows he messed up and he still loves me. I’m so stupid how can I be saying the things that I’m saying however I can’t stop thinking about him.

I remember how good he used to make me feel. And right as I’m about to dial his number the image of my baby girl pops in my head at age 5 at her first day of school, 16 going on her first date, at age 18 graduating from high school, 21 graduating from college and getting married and I can’t understand why I love someone that took life from me. He robbed me and stole my baby, my love and my trust from me and I can’t get any of that back. What the hell is wrong with me? I sit Indian style on the grass and look up at the sky. I sit there for hours watching the clouds and trying to figure things out. My baby would have been a year old today. Life throws you in situations that you never thought you would be in. I’m still staying with Von.

My writing had fallen off a little but it’s getting better and I’m going back to the studio. I thought I was over him and that I was starting to get my life back on track. Then I see him and I turn weak. Damn I wish Von was here, he had to go back and make his money. Mama T is back at home she comes and checks on me every week though. I’m really lonely, really lonely. Not as bad as I was or as bad as I thought I would be. And the only thing that keeps me from calling him is my baby. He beat my

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