Nurturing Boys by Will Glennon

Author:Will Glennon [Glennon, Will]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781642503715
Publisher: Mango Media
Published: 2020-05-20T13:04:27+00:00

Look Beyond the Anger

“I went through a two-year period when I was about thirteen when I was angry all the time. It was like a vicious whirlpool that kept sucking me down further and further. It seemed like I was angry at everything and everybody, which of course just made everyone else—especially my parents—angry and exasperated with me.”

Anger is one of the few emotions we allow our sons. Sadly, it is even expected, a poisonous but inevitable male characteristic. But male anger is not bred in the blood. It is instead simply the emotion of last resort when all other emotions have been forbidden. When boys are cut off from expressing the full range of emotions, their sadness, disappointment, insecurity, and confusion gets squeezed down into a jumbled stream of seething anger. This is a predictable consequence of raising our sons in a way that does not give them the opportunity to experience and come to grips with all their feelings. Ultimately, it is the source of virtually all the rage and violence that tears at the very fabric of our society—angry men blindly striking out at anything and anyone.

Anger is the loudly ringing bell that can alert us when our sons have begun to disconnect from their other feelings. When anger erupts, we need to get beyond the hard edge of that emotion and discover what lies behind it. It is not always easy, since anger often shuts down dialogue, but crossing that abyss is exactly what we need to do. On the other side are deeper emotions that have been left untended and unexpressed.

Parents: When your son is angry, do not reply in kind, even if the anger appears hurtful and completely unjustified. Instead search for a way to soften the anger of the moment so you can begin to follow the threads back to its origin. This may take days, even weeks, of patience, empathy, asking, listening, and waiting, but it is worth the effort.

Teachers: Anger in the classroom is both disruptive and unacceptable. Do what is necessary to defuse the situation, but make an effort out of class to extend an empathetic hand. A public eruption of anger will frequently be accompanied by a feeling of shame or embarrassment. By letting him know that you are more concerned for than upset with him, you will create an opening for him to begin to discuss what is really going on.

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