Nothing Short of Joy by Julie Genovese

Author:Julie Genovese
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Behler Publications, LLC

Ten

Paradise Found

Live close to the earth

and clear down in your heart.

~Lao Tsu

As I drove the five hours to my parents' house, I cried on and off, sang as loud as my ears could stand, rustled through my pile of snacks – anything to numb the pain. What the hell am I doing?

Once in Pennsylvania, though, my enthusiasm for the adventure ahead began to return. I could barely wait to reach Oahu where my troubles would be solved. But when the plane was at last flying me and my new luggage over the Pacific, of course I was dragging the old baggage along as well.

My sister and her three terrific kids gave me a heroine's welcome. My Uncle Ben and Aunt M.M. came to the airport with flashing cameras and flower leis. The fragrance startled sweet-smelling memories. The last time my family had vacationed here, my dad's birthplace, I'd been six. Hawaii felt like a forgotten hearth. This was where I belonged.

I stayed with Kris for six weeks until I settled into a tiny apartment in Makaha, on the dry, less-affluent side of the island. It was forty-five minutes from my sister, but the price and the turquoise pool in the complex finally sold me. Great exercise awaited my aching joints.

During the first night in the new place, every sound made me jump and worry and sweat. The second night was equally as bad. I wanted to run back to Kris's, dive under a quilt and sew myself in. How could I have forgotten how badly I dealt with change? It took so long for me to settle into a new place, but so little to set me back.

The third morning, I sat at my tiny kitchen table trying to plan, to control the day. I'd never lived totally alone before and now I knew why. Paranoia was creeping in. Did the whole building know there was a terrified freak, a perfect target, in apartment 404? I had to find the grocery store but I couldn't use my crutches while shopping, so the trip would be exhausting. My apartment was up three flights of stairs. Carrying my own weight was painful, and with a few groceries it would be that much worse. Who would I turn to if I got into trouble? What if someone made fun of me along the way? My non-aluminum deodorant was helpless against my concerns.

As I made my grocery list, I realized how much Kris and I had eased off the macrobiotics. There were so many conflicting philosophies around diet that it was difficult to find any food that wasn't hotly debated as good by one group and bad by another. The more I'd read about the power of our thoughts and feelings, the more I realized that they were vital food as well. Swallowing feelings of deprivation and inflexibility around macrobiotics was incompatible with my quest for balance and wholeness. There wasn't just one way to health.

No matter where I went, health food stores all seemed the same, I thought.

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