Nice To Meet Me by C.K. Carlton

Author:C.K. Carlton [Carlton, C.K.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Mugwump Publishing
Published: 2011-12-16T03:00:00+00:00

Z-Day Plus 65: June 16, 2010

I had another appointment with my physician today in order to evaluate how I’m doing physically. Since therapist number three on my list (the one I really liked on the phone) had agreed to meet with me on Thursday, I would be able to update her on my current medical situation. And, I’ve been riding the Vitamin Z train for over two months now, so I was looking forward to talking with my physician about the affect it was having on me.

BP and pulse were good. Lost some weight, always nice. I was hoping to be another inch taller, but no luck there.

Finally, we got to talking about the Zoloft. It’s an interesting conversation for someone who has been hiding abuse for so long to have with a physician. When he asked me if I’m feeling more “normal,” I just stared at him and blinked a few times. I didn’t have an answer. I don’t really know what normal is for me. Was I angry? No. Did I have a short fuse? Not really. Was I whistling zippity-doo-dah as I washed the dishes? Absolutely not. What I told him that since I’ve been living in my own little world for so many years, I thought my “normal gauge” was all out of whack. Some re-calibration was needed. The other thing was that I’ve been doing so many other things related to my recovery, that it was hard for me to pinpoint how much of an impact the drug was having, versus how much of an impact the cognitive and behavioral treatment was having. He understood, but he reassured me that everything was going well since I felt more level and I didn’t have any significant side effects. We had found the right drug for me and we had found the right dosage (My magic dosage was 100mg. I started with 50mg, but that just wasn’t enough for someone over 200 lbs, so about a month ago we doubled up. It took a day before it really made a difference.).

Before we wrapped up, I wanted to apologize to him for how rude my therapist was a few weeks ago when she called him, demanded that he come to the phone, and rudely told him to prescribe me a sleep aid. I said that I knew she was a little aggressive and condescending. He said it was alright, that sort of thing happens, and he would never have been bullied into writing a prescription anyway, but he was glad that I was actively looking to make sure I had the right therapist for me.

Besides the fact that he kept staring at the planet-sized zit on my chin, almost hypnotized by it, the visit was very productive and reassuring. We set another appointment for September to re-evaluate the Zoloft and see if we should start on a plan to slowly wean me off the drug. I liked the plan.

More importantly, I like the fact that I have an appointment with therapist number three tomorrow.

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