Moving with Kids by Lori Burgan

Author:Lori Burgan [Burgan, Lori Collins]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Common Press

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As in the anger stage, you can help children through the depression stage by letting them know their feelings are perfectly normal, comforting them when they'll let you, and offering unconditional love at all times. Don't minimize their feelings by telling them that "everything will be okay, so snap out of it." Everything will be okay, of course, but children need to feel safe expressing their innermost emotions. When they are crying because they are missing their friends, you might say, "I miss my friends, too. That sadness really hurts, doesn't it?" Or, if you can't find the words to comfort them, just hold them and tell them that you're sorry they're sad and that you love them.

Children generally get their cues from their parents. Kids who observe their parents expressing anger and sadness in appropriate, healthy ways learn to cope in similar ways. It's okay to tell your children that you are sad and lonely. In fact, pretending that you're not sad and lonely is a bad idea. You can't expect your children to be comfortable expressing their feelings if you are trying to hide yours. Knowing that their parents can be sad or angry and yet still function at home and at work is a critical lesson for children.

No one can tell you exactly how long the depression or any of the other stages of grief will last for your child. In the relocation workshops provided by the military, according to one military mom, the leaders advise against making judgments about a place until you have lived there six months, because that's generally how long it takes adults to deal with the emotional turmoil of a move. Children may also take this long to work through all the stages of grief.

If you feel that your child's depression is lasting too long or affecting his ability to function, don't be afraid to seek professional help. This is critical if your child stops eating or sleeping well or makes comments about life not being worthwhile. If you think you're seeing signs of a serious problem, trust your instincts and get counseling immediately. If you have moved at your company's request, don't hesitate to ask whether your employer would be willing to pay for this counseling.

With time and adequate parental support, most children will move through denial, anger, bargaining, and depression and into acceptance. They will have learned some valuable lessons:

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