Mom, They're Teasing Me by Michael Thompson PhD

Author:Michael Thompson, PhD [Thompson, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-48833-6
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2002-11-15T00:00:00+00:00

A: The only thing I can suggest is a difficult conversation with Rosie and an equally painful conversation with her parents. You have to find a private place and a quiet moment when you can ask Rosie, “Kids tease you, don't they?” She'll probably look acutely uncomfortable and nod. Then you'll have to plow ahead by saying, “Has anyone ever talked to you about what they’re saying?” She will likely shake her head and start to cry.

“Are you aware that as girls start to grow up and their bodies develop, they need to shower more? Do you know why?” Rosie will nod, and you will ask, “Can you tell me why?” She will say, “Because I sweat so much.”

Once Rosie acknowledges that she knows what the issue is, you can begin to ask further questions: “Have you talked about this with your mom?” “Has she talked about body odor with you?” “Do you shower every day?” “Do you use deodorant?” If you get more acknowledgment, you must begin to support her by talking about other fifth graders you have known who have suffered from this problem.

Perhaps, if you are so inclined, you could share some anecdote from your own life, about your discomfort with your own body as you were growing up. I cannot dictate what you should do. It needs to be something authentic, personal, and from your heart. You can do it with personal anecdote; you can do it awkwardly, gracefully, or with a science lesson included. But you must do it. Why? You are the only adult witness, both to Rosie's body odor and to the rejection of her by the other children. If you don't intervene and help Rosie, her life in school will become worse and worse.

We can't know why Rosie hasn't attended to herself. We don't know if it is a family issue; perhaps she doesn't have access to the bathroom or her parents have a rule about not showering too frequently. We don't know if Rosie has some self-consciousness about developing into a woman and her defense against her own anxiety is to ignore her body. We don't know whether her mother is uncomfortable with having a grown-up daughter and is embarrassed to talk to her. She may come from a culture in which bathing and deodorant use are not as prevalent as they are here in the United States—in which case you or the school nurse might have to buy the deodorant and give it to Rosie, along with instructions about using it. The only thing we can be sure of is this: If no one talks to Rosie, she will be increasingly rejected by the other children in the class.

How can I be so certain about Rosie's rejection by her classmates? Because I have seen it happen many times. Children are acutely aware of each other's bodies. After all, they spend hours a day working closely with each other at desks, standing closely in the lunch line, and perhaps changing in front of other kids after PE class.

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