Miss Debenham's Secret by Sara Bennett

Author:Sara Bennett
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: 0
Published: 2014-05-19T07:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TEN

Clarissa was finding it very difficult to look at him. She felt like a silly fool; an innocent fool. He’d rejected her. Twice. Wasn’t that enough for her? And yet, despite her feelings of anger and humiliation, she knew she still wanted him.

Her heart ached in a way it never had before. Even in her worst moments with her father, or Mr. Marly, she had never felt like this.

She wanted Alistair despite the fact that he did not want her and nothing he said or did could change that.

Did that make her even more of a fool? She supposed it did and yet . . . she loved him. And it wasn’t a silly girly sort of love either, it was a strong womanly love, the sort of love that wanted to be with him, to lay with him beside her, to share in all the trials and tribulations she knew would come to them, and not care.

But she could see it was impossible to tell him that.

Alistair had made up his mind. He was going to do the gentlemanly thing, he was going to spare her from making ‘a terrible mistake’ and nothing she said or did was going to change his mind.

She was his friend; that was what he’d said.

The air was chill now that the rain had stopped and she pulled her shawl closer about her with a shiver—it was Annie’s shawl really but the kind girl had pressed it into her hands as they were leaving, insisting it was too cold to be without it. The sky was clear though, and the stars beamed brightly down upon them as Alistair drove the carriage through the night toward Lyme.

They were together and yet she had never felt so alone.

“Clarissa?”

She was tempted to ignore him, pretend not to hear him, or tell him to be quiet, like the children at school. The thought made her smile, and smiling made her feel a little better.

“Clarissa, I am so sorry. I know I handled things badly, and believe me I would have wanted nothing more than to be with you tonight, but . . . surely you can see how impossible it is?”

Clarissa shrugged her shoulder.

When Annie had given her the shawl, Clarissa had seen from the expression on her face that she had seen them kissing. Would she tell? Probably. Gossip would spread to Lyme in no time at all. It wouldn’t have made much difference if Alistair had spent the night in bed with her, because the story would become more lurid with each mile it travelled.

Although she had done nothing so very bad she knew she would still be tarred with the brush of one who had.

“Are we still friends?” he said quietly, and she felt his eyes on her. “Will you forgive me?”

She forced herself to turn with a smile. She didn’t want him to think she was sulking, and nor did she want him to know how much she was in love with him. She had her pride, after all.

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