Mind the Child by Camila Batmanghelidjh

Author:Camila Batmanghelidjh [Batmanghelidjh, Camila]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781846146565
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2013-02-06T16:00:00+00:00

From Underdog to Top Dog: Attempts to Survive

Not all children who have been maltreated go on to harm others, but there will always be a self-destructive price to pay. Sometimes the very abuse that has been endured is adopted as a way of being. It’s almost as if, in choosing to inflict the bad experience on oneself or on others, one is still better off than being powerlessly exposed to it.

The unconscious resolve of most maltreated children is to acquire some form of mastery over their trauma. Having been a victim, they make a vow to themselves never again to be victimized by another. Perversely, this can present itself as the abused individual taking charge in an abusive encounter. For example, a sexually abused girl might begin working as a prostitute so that, rather than having to endure the sexual desire of predatory men powerlessly, she is actively soliciting it, thereby retaining a sense of control over the situation.

Other sufferers may develop the compulsion to repeat the abusive encounter, this time adopting the perpetrator’s position rather than the victim’s, because actively doing something bad to others is better than passively having something bad done to the self. It is striking how many perpetrators’ abusive behaviours mimic the characteristics of the abuse they have encountered themselves.

Disturbances can develop in those who have been significantly harmed. They may experience envy towards people who have not been abused, and wish to abuse them so that there can be an equality in being mutually harmed. Sometimes people who have been abused try and control their negative thoughts and feelings by developing rituals which have an obsessive-compulsive nature to them. These can be rituals to distract or compulsions to clean, because the individual feels preoccupied and dirtied by the abuse.

It is very important to distinguish the moral argument from the psychological one: however repugnant the behaviour exhibited by abusers might be, it needs to be understood in the context of personal harm experienced. Strategies to prohibit the acting out of harmful behaviour are important for maintaining social order, but sanctions and punishment don’t lead to recovery. In order to achieve genuine reparation, even the most vilely behaved human being requires tenderness and compassion.

A young person at Kids Company describes the poignant journey to child prostitution:

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