Man and Superman: A Comedy and a Philosophy by Bernard Shaw

Author:Bernard Shaw [Shaw, Bernard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9798560935900
Google: _9VlIUVMAZAC
Amazon: B08MWB4H5C
Published: 2006-03-22T00:00:00+00:00

STRAKER. Take care! some o the dregs’ll hear you.

MENDOZA. It does not matter: each brigand thinks himself scum, and likes to hear the others called dregs.

TANNER. Come! you are a wit. [Mendoza inclines his head, flattered]. May

one ask you a blunt question?

MENDOZA. As blunt as you please.

TANNER. How does it pay a man of your talent to shepherd such a flock as

this on broiled rabbit and prickly pears? I have seen men less gifted, and I’ll swear less honest, supping at the Savoy on foie gras and champagne.

MENDOZA. Pooh! they have all had their turn at the broiled rabbit, just as I

shall have my turn at the Savoy. Indeed, I have had a turn there already—as waiter.

TANNER. A waiter! You astonish me!

MENDOZA. [reflectively] Yes: I, Mendoza of the Sierra, was a waiter. Hence,

perhaps, my cosmopolitanism. [With sudden intensity] Shall I tell you the story

of my life?

STRAKER. [apprehensively] If it ain’t too long, old chap—

TANNER. [interrupting him] Tsh-sh: you are a Philistine, Henry: you have no

romance in you. [To Mendoza] You interest me extremely, President. Never

mind Henry: he can go to sleep.

MENDOZA. The woman I loved—

STRAKER. Oh, this is a love story, is it? Right you are. Go on: I was only afraid you were going to talk about yourself.

MENDOZA. Myself! I have thrown myself away for her sake: that is why I

am here. No matter: I count the world well lost for her. She had, I pledge you my

word, the most magnificent head of hair I ever saw. She had humor; she had intellect; she could cook to perfection; and her highly strung temperament made

her uncertain, incalculable, variable, capricious, cruel, in a word, enchanting.

STRAKER. A six shillin novel sort o woman, all but the cookin. Er name was

Lady Gladys Plantagenet, wasn’t it?

MENDOZA. No, sir: she was not an earl’s daughter. Photography, reproduced

by the half-tone process, has made me familiar with the appearance of the

daughters of the English peerage; and I can honestly say that I would have sold

the lot, faces, dowries, clothes, titles, and all, for a smile from this woman. Yet

she was a woman of the people, a worker: otherwise—let me reciprocate your bluntness—I should have scorned her.

TANNER. Very properly. And did she respond to your love?

MENDOZA. Should I be here if she did? She objected to marry a Jew.

TANNER. On religious grounds?

MENDOZA. No: she was a freethinker. She said that every Jew considers in

his heart that English people are dirty in their habits.

TANNER. [surprised] Dirty!

MENDOZA. It showed her extraordinary knowledge of the world; for it is

undoubtedly true. Our elaborate sanitary code makes us unduly contemptuous of

the Gentile.

TANNER. Did you ever hear that, Henry?

STRAKER. I’ve heard my sister say so. She was cook in a Jewish family

once.

MENDOZA. I could not deny it; neither could I eradicate the impression it

made on her mind. I could have got round any other objection; but no woman can stand a suspicion of indelicacy as to her person. My entreaties were in vain:

she always retorted that she wasn’t good enough for me, and recommended me to

marry an accursed barmaid named Rebecca Lazarus, whom I loathed. I talked of

suicide: she offered me a packet of beetle poison to do it with. I hinted at murder: she went into hysterics; and as I am a living man I went to America so

that she might sleep without dreaming that I was stealing upstairs to cut her throat. In America I went out west and fell in with a man who was wanted by the

police for holding up trains. It was he who had the idea of holding up motors cars—in the South of Europe: a welcome idea to a desperate and disappointed man. He gave me some valuable introductions to capitalists of the right sort. I formed a syndicate; and the present enterprise is the result. I became leader, as

the Jew always becomes leader, by his brains and imagination. But with all my

pride of race I would give everything I possess to be an Englishman. I am like a

boy: I cut her name on the trees and her initials on the sod. When I am alone I lie

down and tear my wretched hair and cry Louisa—

STRAKER. [startled] Louisa!

MENDOZA. It is her name—Louisa—Louisa Straker—

TANNER. Straker!

STRAKER. [scrambling up on his knees most indignantly] Look here: Louisa

Straker is my sister, see? Wot do you mean by gassin about her like this? Wot she got to do with you?

MENDOZA. A dramatic coincidence! You are Enry, her favorite brother!

STRAKER. Oo are you callin Enry? What call have you to take a liberty with

my name or with hers? For two pins I’d punch your fat ed, so I would.

MENDOZA. [with grandiose calm] If I let you do it, will you promise to brag

of it afterwards to her? She will be reminded of her Mendoza: that is all I desire.

TANNER. This is genuine devotion, Henry. You should respect it.

STRAKER. [fiercely] Funk, more likely.

MENDOZA. [springing to his feet] Funk! Young man: I come of a famous

family of fighters; and as your sister well knows, you would have as much chance against me as a perambulator against your motor car.

STRAKER. [secretly daunted, but rising from his knees with an air of reckless

pugnacity] I ain’t afraid of you. With your Louisa! Louisa! Miss Straker is good

enough for you, I should think.

MENDOZA. I wish you could persuade her to think so.

STRAKER. [exasperated] Here—

TANNER. [rising quickly and interposing] Oh come, Henry: even if you could

fight the President you can’t fight the whole League of the Sierra. Sit down again

and be friendly. A cat may look at a king; and even a President of brigands may

look at your sister. All this family pride is really very old fashioned.

STRAKER. [subdued, but grumbling] Let him look at her. But wot does he

mean by makin out that she ever looked at im? [Reluctantly resuming his couch

on the turf] Ear him talk, one ud think she was keepin company with him. [He

turns his back on them and composes himself to sleep].

MENDOZA. [to Tanner, becoming more confidential as he finds himself

virtually alone with a sympathetic listener in the still starlight of the mountains;

for all the rest are asleep by this time] It was just so with her, sir. Her intellect

reached forward into the twentieth century: her social prejudices and family affections reached back into the dark ages. Ah, sir, how the words of Shakespear

seem to fit every crisis in our emotions!

I loved Louisa: 40,000 brothers

Could not with all their quantity of love

Make up my sum.

And so on. I forget the rest. Call it madness if you will—infatuation. I am an

able man, a strong man: in ten years I should have owned a first-class hotel. I met her; and you see! I am a brigand, an outcast. Even Shakespear cannot do justice to what I feel for Louisa. Let me read you some lines that I have written

about her myself. However slight their literary merit may be, they express what I

feel better than any casual words can. [He produces a packet of hotel bills scrawled with manuscript, and kneels at the fire to decipher them, poking it with

a stick to make it glow].

TANNER. [clapping him rudely on the shoulder] Put them in the fire,

President.

MENDOZA. [startled] Eh?

TANNER. You are sacrificing your career to a monomania.

MENDOZA. I know it.

TANNER. No you don’t. No man would commit such a crime against himself

if he really knew what he was doing. How can you look round at these august hills, look up at this divine sky, taste this finely tempered air, and then talk like a literary hack on a second floor in Bloomsbury?

MENDOZA. [shaking his head] The Sierra is no better than Bloomsbury

when once the novelty has worn off. Besides, these mountains make you dream

of women—of women with magnificent hair.

TANNER. Of Louisa, in short. They will not make me dream of women, my

friend: I am heartwhole.

MENDOZA. Do not boast until morning, sir. This is a strange country for

dreams.

TANNER. Well, we shall see. Goodnight. [He lies down and composes

himself to sleep].

Mendoza, with a sigh, follows his example; and for a few moments there is peace in the Sierra. Then Mendoza sits up suddenly and says pleadingly to

Tanner—

MENDOZA. Just allow me to read a few lines before you go to sleep. I should

really like your opinion of them.

TANNER. [drowsily] Go on. I am listening.

MENDOZA. I saw thee first in Whitsun week Louisa, Louisa—

TANNER. [roaring himself] My dear President, Louisa is a very pretty name;

but it really doesn’t rhyme well to Whitsun week.

MENDOZA. Of course not. Louisa is not the rhyme, but the refrain.

TANNER. [subsiding] Ah, the refrain. I beg your pardon. Go on.

MENDOZA. Perhaps you do not care for that one: I think you will like this better. [He recites, in rich soft tones, and to slow time]

Louisa, I love thee.

I love thee, Louisa.

Louisa, Louisa, Louisa, I love thee.

One name and one phrase make my music,

Louisa. Louisa, Louisa, Louisa, I love thee.

Mendoza thy lover,

Thy lover, Mendoza,

Mendoza adoringly lives for Louisa.

There’s nothing but that in the world for Mendoza.

Louisa, Louisa, Mendoza adores thee.

[Affected] There is no merit in producing beautiful lines upon such a name.

Louisa is an exquisite name, is it not?

TANNER. [all but asleep, responds with a faint groan].

MENDOZA.

O wert thou, Louisa,

The wife of Mendoza,

Mendoza’s Louisa, Louisa Mendoza,

How blest were the life of Louisa’s Mendoza!

How painless his longing of love for Louisa!

That is real poetry—from the heart—from the heart of hearts. Don’t you think

it will move her?

No answer.

[Resignedly] Asleep, as usual. Doggrel to all the world; heavenly music to

me! Idiot that I am to wear my heart on my sleeve! [He composes himself to sleep, murmuring] Louisa, I love thee;

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