Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman

Author:Gary Chapman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Published: 2018-03-13T04:00:00+00:00

BRUCE: ANGRY, REMORSEFUL

Bruce’s response was immediate. Before my admin arrived in the office the next morning, he had left a message on her voice mail asking for an appointment with me. Four days later, he was in my office. He was angry, remorseful, frustrated, and “willing to do anything to get Julie back.”

I told Bruce that I was glad he had come to see me. I told him that I hoped his dream of his wife coming back could someday be realized, and I told him that I believed she was open to that. I also told him that this would not happen next week or next month. I told him that I was proud of Julie for the actions she had taken, because I thought it was a genuine expression of her love for him. I explained that if he loved her and wanted his marriage to be restored, he would have to do the hard work of learning how to deal with anger and how to love her more effectively.

“That process will take weeks and maybe months,” I said. “But if you’re willing, I’d be glad to refer you to a colleague who specializes in helping men like you. I will keep in touch with the counselor, and whenever the counselor feels that it’s time to talk about reconciling the marriage, I will be happy to work with you and Julie on that process.”

Then I warned Bruce that any effort to contact Julie or to abuse her physically would jeopardize his possibility of restoring their relationship. “This is not a time for retaliation but rather a time for personal growth in your life,” I suggested. “The counselor I am referring you to has a support group for men who have physically abused their wives. Become a part of that group, Bruce. I believe your progress will be faster if, beyond individual counseling, you participate with the group.” I knew that my colleague would also suggest this, but I wanted to plant the seed in Bruce’s mind so he would have time to think about it.

The next week Bruce began his counseling, and the following week he enrolled in the support group. He was not 100 percent successful in following my suggestion that he make no contact with Julie for at least a month. Three times in the first month, he tried to make contact with her. Once he tried to call her at her work; once he was in the parking lot when she got off from work and hoped to talk to her. Fortunately, she had a friend walking with her to the car, and Bruce did not make contact, although she saw him and he saw her. His third attempt to contact Julie was at her office, which created somewhat of a scene until her supervisor asked Bruce to leave. She reported each of these incidents to me. I, in turn, shared these with Bruce’s counselor. The counselor confronted Bruce and affirmed that this was not

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