Live It Out by Jenn Alexander

Author:Jenn Alexander [Alexander, Jenn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bywater Books
Published: 2023-04-02T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirteen

Faith watched the group of preschoolers twirl and dance to “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2, ending the dance class with a few minutes of free dancing before dismissing the students to enjoy the rest of their weekend. From the moment the song started, each of the children began to make up their own routine, bending and moving to the music as though nobody was watching them. Some mornings, she enjoyed sitting back and taking in the scene, watching them as they danced freely and enthusiastically. This morning, however, she felt inspired to join in, and she began to twirl and bend alongside the carefree group, letting the music take over and move through her.

She had selected the song because the group, primarily made up of little girls, always requested songs from Frozen, and she had played the first soundtrack to the point that it made her ears bleed. But once she hit play, she couldn’t help but hear the parallels to her own life. She remembered how she’d felt at the concert the night before, the realization she was gay hitting her with stunning, certain clarity. On some level, she’d probably always known, and she’d certainly wondered over the years, but now the truth burned so bright and so bold inside of her there was no way she could ever lie to herself, or even simply question herself, again. She was gay and she wanted Spencer. She felt both of those truths in her bones, and neither scared her anymore. They felt too right and honest to be scary.

One of the little girls twirled, arms wide open, and a huge grin on her face.

Faith had felt like that once. She’d been carefree and bold. She thought about all the layers of expectation she wore now and wondered when she’d allowed herself to be cloaked in them. It had started slowly, she was sure, one layer at a time, until they were all so heavy, she couldn’t move or breathe. All of the pressures and expectations still existed for her, she knew, but in the aftermath of her realization at the concert, and the soul-searing kiss with Spencer afterward, she felt a little stronger beneath them all. She’d been the one to initiate the kiss, and it had surpassed any hopes or expectations she’d had of what kissing Spencer might be like. She hadn’t stopped thinking about the feel of Spencer’s lips on hers, and she wanted to hold onto the confidence she’d felt in that moment when she’d gone after what she wanted.

Her students’ youthful freedom expressed through dance was an almost perfect reflection of the limitless feeling that Faith hoped to retain, and so along with her students she began to twirl, spinning, and spinning, and spinning, until she grew dizzy with delight, and at least some of the weight had spun off.

As she spun, she began to smile.

At first, she didn’t recognize the joy as it radiated from her chest, out toward her limbs. The purity of such joy was foreign to her.

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