Linguaphile by Julie Sedivy

Author:Julie Sedivy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

3. Don’t. Ever. Cry.

A colleague once related a story about her time as a young graduate student. Her advisor was a woman of formidable intellect, also known for her thoughtful and generous treatment of others. One day, my friend found herself in the advisor’s office with some difficulty or other—perhaps it was a failed experiment, or some harsh criticism of her paper by a reviewer—and tears of frustration sprang to her eyes. Her usually gentle advisor gripped her by the shoulders, stationed her face inches away from my friend’s, and commanded, “Stop crying. Don’t. Ever. Cry.”

My colleague chose to tell me this story because earlier that week a young student had burst into tears in her own office, and she found herself, without meaning to, reenacting her advisor’s response. She handed the student a tissue, but said sternly, “You can’t cry. You can’t ever cry.” As we shook our heads over this involuntary outburst of terrible advice, we began listing the many concealments we had conspired in over the years.

How I had submitted, four weeks after the birth of my first child, and without a waver in my voice, when my department chair proposed that I take over the teaching of a large class after its original instructor reneged on his commitment at the last moment. This was shortly after I’d overheard a conversation in the faculty lounge about how a pregnancy at this critical juncture in my career signaled my lack of seriousness as a scholar.

How my friend rarely brought her husband to work-related social events, despite their devotion to each other; with his blue-collar job and lack of education, he was not well suited to playing the part of spouse to an ambitious young academic.

How I denied ever missing my children while away on conference trips, how I made no mention of missed sleep due to serial ear infections, blocked milk ducts, or the viscous grief of miscarriage. How my friend and I, separately and privately, monitored and edited ourselves, always on the alert for the threat of tears, shudderings of rage, shrugs of impatience with colleagues (usually male) who signaled that they knew more than we did. The effort we spent to hide what it was costing us to succeed at our work and to make the hiding seem like no effort at all.

And here we were now, the ah-counters for the next generation.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.