Lieutenant Bones by Edgar Wallace

Author:Edgar Wallace [Wallace, Edgar]
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781152377837
Publisher: General Books
Published: 2010-01-03T18:30:00+00:00

Lieutenant Bones (1918)

CHAPTER IX

The Pacifist

“There’s somethin’ about me,” said Lieutenant Tibbetts, in tones of wonder and admiration, “that’s very cowin’. I’ve been told by people, dear old officer, that there’s a strange look in my eye–a sort of terrifyin’ glance–er–you know the sort of thing I mean–a sort of concentrated stare like–like–“

“Like a squint?” suggested Hamilton helpfully.

“Behave yourself, dear sir and senior,” enjoined Bones testily. “Of course, I don’t mean that. It was rather neatly described here.”

He slipped a small leather case from his uniform pocket and extracted a newspaper cutting. Clearing his voice, he read: “Lieutenant Tibbetts, one of the most respected of our Empire builders–a son of Blackford, we are proud to say–is a typical Empire builder. Like other Empire builders, he is modest almost to a fault, quiet, retiring, and courageous–“

“Where did this fairy story appear?” asked Hamilton curiously.

“It is from the Blackford Herald,” said Bones. “When he was being unusually severe, he dropped his chin to his breast and stared solemnly over invisible spectacles. It was a habit he had explained which he had caught from a whilom schoolmaster. In such a manner did he now regard his: unabashed superior.

“Read on, good gossip,” said Hamilton cheerily.

“Quiet, retiring, and courageous,” continued Bones. “He has the Empire builder’s eyes–grey, deep-set, and inscrutable. He has the Empire builder’s–“

“Nose,” suggested Hamilton–“long, red, and impossible. Really, Bones, when did you build all these theatres? You never told us anything about it, you secretive dog. Go on.”

“There’s no more,” said Bones shortly. “Inscrutable” was the word I was after.”

“But what is this all about, Bones?” asked Patricia Hamilton, balancing herself on the broad ledge of the veranda rail. “Nobody said you weren’t overpowering. I’m sure that when you look at me, I go quite shivery.”

“Do you really?” demanded the delighted Bones. “Do you really, dear old sister? It’s personality, dear old princess–a sort of–well, it’s somethin’ that inspires confidence.”

“Angels and ministers of grace!” exclaimed Hamilton piously.

“Why do people bring their troubles to me?” demanded Bones rapidly. “Why do people ask me to act as a sort of mediator, dear old Ham? I ask you why?”

“Am I bound to answer?”

“I ask you, sir and Excellency,” Bones was getting excited; Hamilton, in his flippant mood, usually had that effect. “Why is it, sir and jolly old Excellency, if it ain’t personality?”

Mr. Commissioner Sanders put down the Blue Book he was reading, and smiled up at the red-faced young man.

“Because you’ve a clean mind and a clean heart, Bones,” he said, “and people know that.”

“And because I’m jolly shrewd, sir,” insisted Bones immodestly, “an’ I’ve got the knack of pacifyin’ people with a word in season.”

“It might even be that,” admitted Sanders from behind his book.

“By the way, Bones, who wrote that thrilling description of Bones, the Empire builder, you’ve just read to us?” asked Hamilton.

Bones hunched his shoulders. “Dear old Ham,” he said carelessly, “these things get into the papers.”

“Did you write it yourself?”

Bones eyed the other with a painful smile. “What a perfectly horrible opinion you have of me, dear old sir!” he said reproachfully.

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