Let It Go: Forgive So You Can Be Forgiven by Jakes T.D

Author:Jakes, T.D. [Jakes, T.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 2012-02-28T00:00:00+00:00

Five for Fighting

Which leads to my second point: Never be afraid to enter into a confrontation. So often, we want everyone to like us and think we’re a nice person. Christians often compound this by adding a layer of self-righteous religiosity to the mix. They feel like it would be a sin to criticize a team member, even constructively, and thus smile and nod and accept less than desirable outcomes.

Psychologists tell us that there are five basic strategies for facing conflict: 1. avoiding; 2. commanding; 3. accommodating; 4. compromising; and 5. collaborating.

Sometimes it’s okay to avoid conflict or postpone a confrontation. Some altercations are unnecessary to dissect and discuss and will dissolve on their own without your involvement. As the old saying goes, “You have to pick your battles.” In other words, you must make sure that the confrontation is worth the energy and effort. If you know a coworker is leaving your department in two weeks, then it may not be the most effective investment to plan a meeting to discuss her failure to turn in her quarterly goals.

Commanding, or forcing your viewpoint in the midst of conflict, may sound like an unpleasant, authoritarian style of resolving problems, but sometimes, particularly in times of crisis, it may be necessary for someone to make a crucial decision even if it’s unpopular. When a rival company is attempting a hostile takeover, there may not be time to hold a board meeting, follow scheduled protocol, and get the input of all stakeholders. Similarly, accommodating may sound positive but could be detrimental if you are giving up items that you need to maintain. On the other hand, if you can accommodate someone’s request in a way that doesn’t cost you and your department very much, then by all means it’s worth the goodwill engendered to acquiesce.

Compromise is perhaps the most useful tool when dealing with conflict and making a confrontation. This strategy allows for both parties to receive part of the solution they requested, yet no one gets everything they wanted. As basic as it may sound, the key to effective compromise is making sure you are comfortable with the give-and-take inherent in the exchange. The trade-off must be equitable and resolve the problem in a way that allows forward progress to be made by both individuals. I can’t tell you how many individuals have come to me complaining about a confrontation with a coworker in which they compromised even while their blood was boiling under their starched shirts and silk blouses.

The fifth style of handling confrontation, collaborating, allows for both parties to get everything they wanted in the situation. In actuality, many conflicts could be resolved with simple collaboration; however, this often requires someone to apologize, ask for forgiveness, or take responsibility, all of which may sound good in Sunday school but are hard to practice at your Monday-morning staff meeting.

Most people naturally gravitate toward one style based on their personality and past conditioning. However, no one style should be considered better

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