Learn to Love Yourself Enough by Andrew G Marshall

Author:Andrew G Marshall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2011-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Close your eyes and picture your gremlin.

What does it look like?

What colour?

How big?

What are its nastiest features?

What does its voice sound like?

What does it say?

Next time your internal voice starts running you down, imagine that it is a gremlin on your shoulder and flick it off.

Pessimistic Thinking

When pessimists have a bad experience, they draw conclusions that are permanent (‘I’m never going to find someone who is right for me’), all-pervasive (‘The evening was ruined because I spilt coffee over everything’) and personal (‘I’m just not beautiful enough’ or ‘I don’t earn enough’). By contrast, optimists, after a bad experience, will draw very different conclusions. The problems are particular (‘The atmosphere in the restaurant was wrong’). They are temporary (‘I was tired’) or down to someone else (‘he was not interested’). Most importantly, optimists view problems as surmountable: ‘We didn’t click on this occasion but I will meet the right guy’ or ‘Perhaps the second date will be better and she’ll warm to me.’

There is a final twist to the difference between optimists and pessimists which is particularly cruel. While pessimists put bad things down to permanent causes and optimists to temporary ones, when it comes to good events, they swap over. So the pessimist thinks a success is just a fluke. Therefore, on a successful date, for example, the pessimist thinks: ‘Wednesday was the club’s cool night’ or ‘I put a lot of effort into researching everything’ (temporary and specific reasons). Meanwhile, optimists expect the good times to last and think: ‘I’m always lucky picking places to go to’ or ‘I know how to charm’ (permanent and all-pervasive reasons). Is it any wonder, then, that pessimists find it hard to like – let alone love – themselves?

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