Lead Like a Woman by Deborah Smith Pegues

Author:Deborah Smith Pegues
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780736980166
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
Published: 2020-06-14T00:00:00+00:00

15

DISFAVORING OTHER WOMEN

A candle loses nothing when it lights another candle.

—Italian proverb

Scarcity of an item can cause people to compete to obtain a share of it or to fight to hang onto it. Welcome to the relational dynamics of organizations or groups where women leaders are rare. Support from other women will often be nonexistent, and competition can be fierce and sometimes downright mean.

While I have indeed encountered an occasional lack of support from other women, most that I’ve interacted with have been remarkable in their support. I offer high praise and gratitude for my friends and fellow inspirational speakers Deborah Cobrae, Kathleen Cooke, Cindy Fahy, P. Bunny Wilson, Terri McFaddin-Solomon, Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith, and others who have graciously shared their influence and wisdom and proactively opened doors on my behalf in significant venues. These women of various ethnic backgrounds have an abundance mind-set and believe there are enough blessings for us all to share. They have refused to adopt the scarcity belief there is only one “speaking pie” out there and if they share theirs with me, there will be fewer opportunities for them. I’m equally grateful for numerous friends for their faithful prayers, encouraging text messages, marketing expertise, traveling companionship, and back-of-the-room sales assistance at various engagements. But what do you do when this kind of support is absent? And how can you model such support so that aspiring leaders and others know what it looks like?

Letting Go of the Queen Bee Syndrome

Have you had the distinction of being the first or only woman ever to serve in a certain position? It can be a heady feeling atop that pedestal. It can also be tempting to try to secure your place by making sure no other woman gets near it. Enter the “queen bee.” In the world of bees, only one queen lives in each hive. “She is the only female with fully developed ovaries,” so she lays all the eggs. “In general, queen bees use their stingers only to kill rival queens that may emerge or be introduced in the hive.”1

In the world of leadership, the queen bee is the woman who has achieved an exalted position but withholds support from other women desiring to advance through the ranks. According to historians and biographers, Margaret Thatcher (aka “The Iron Lady”) was a queen bee personified. She was the first woman elected to lead a major Western power. She was the longest-serving British prime minister in 150 years. She was “the most dominant and the most divisive force in British politics in the second half of the twentieth century.”2 She was “famous for rarely promoting other women.” She was “the only woman in the room and didn’t want any competition.”3

I’ve achieved several “first woman” and “first black” distinctions over the course of my professional career. My spiritual mentors taught me early on that there was a divine purpose for the platform that the distinctions afforded me and that if I used it for “self-glory,” I would incur God’s wrath.

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