It's Momplicated by Debbie Alsdorf & Joan Edwards Kay

Author:Debbie Alsdorf & Joan Edwards Kay
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Life / Women's Issues, FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting / Motherhood
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2018-09-03T16:00:00+00:00

Show Me How to Relate to Men

What example did your mother set for you regarding men? Did you see her dominating them or hear her speaking about them with contempt? Did she submerge herself in her man, never speaking up for herself or setting boundaries? Did she convey the belief that men were not to be trusted, that you had to do everything on your own? Did she manipulate or flirt with men to get what she wanted? What messages did you internalize, maybe without even realizing it? Perhaps you are like your mother, or perhaps you vowed to be different.

Marissa thought her mother acted like a doormat, allowing her husband to walk all over her. She never stood up for herself or expressed her own thoughts or opinions. Marissa’s father was a Democrat, so her mother was a Democrat. If her father wanted to spend the afternoon watching football, her mother spent the afternoon watching football. Whenever Marissa’s father was in a foul mood, her mother would scramble to appease him, even if it meant putting her needs and the children’s needs aside.

Marissa vowed she would never allow a man to treat her the way her father had treated her mother. Rather than entering relationships with an open heart, she came with her fists up, ready to fight any hint of domination by a man. When she was thirty-three, she went to therapy to understand why she couldn’t maintain a good romantic relationship. As she explored what had been modeled for her and how she had overreacted to it, she began to see that part of her feared that if she let a man in, she would become like her mother.

In contrast, Serene’s parents had a strained relationship, and all she heard was her mother’s negative comments about men. Serene grew up believing all men were selfish, stupid, and only interested in sex. Serene was not equipped to love a man for who he was. Her attitude toward men cost her two marriages where she punished her husbands by withholding sex, and a few jobs where she could not get along with male superiors.

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