If You Only Knew by Prerna Pickett

Author:Prerna Pickett [Pickett, Prerna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781250314468
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Published: 2020-02-10T18:30:00+00:00

* * *

I jumped off the bicycle as I approached my destination, the dark apartment building with its cracked sidewalk, faded and chipped paint, where dirt bled along the siding. It wasn’t much, but it was home. Cool air greeted me when I entered the dim apartment. Mom must have turned on the air-conditioning earlier, and Tim had yet to turn it off.

I loosened the tie around my neck and pulled off the suit coat. It was a size too small and tight around my arms. I slung it into the coat closet. I went to Jaimie’s funeral, paid my respects to his family, hung out with Drew until I couldn’t take the haunted look in everyone’s eyes anymore. A few other guys from the crew had shown up. Vance hadn’t.

I leaned my bike against the hallway wall and walked into the living room. Tim sat on the couch, holding a book in his hands. I stared at him for a minute, taking in his concentration over the words on his lap.

“Hey.”

Tim glanced up briefly.

“Hungry?”

He nodded, this time keeping his eyes on the book.

A pang of pride whittled away at the host of disappointments I safeguarded inside myself. Knowing Tim wasn’t anything like me, that he was better, kept me going on the worst of days. Even though dark, liquid, black paint spilled across what potential I used to hold, Tim still had a chance at something extraordinary.

“Not much for talking?” Tim refused to meet my eye. Usually he had some kind of crack about me being a loser who couldn’t cook mac and cheese to save his life. When I moved closer, his hands trembled and his gaze became uneven. “What’s wrong, Tim?”

His eyes shifted to the side, down the hallway.

The light from my bedroom leaked into the hall. I thought I turned it off this morning. If I hadn’t, Mom would have gotten to it before she left for work. I squeezed my brother’s shoulder before taking a few slow steps toward it. As soon as I entered, the stale smell of cigarettes and aftershave clogged the entrance. Vance lay across my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

My legs stopped functioning, and I stood there like a gaping idiot while he sat up. This was the first time Vance had ever entered my home. Him staying away was part of whatever messed-up silent pact we’d made years ago when I started helping him.

“I was wondering when you’d show.” He cracked a sharp smile.

I loosened my grip on the doorknob. Unease prickled against my brain.

Vance wasn’t necessarily that intimidating. He was only a few years older than me and a couple of inches taller, kind of on the skinny side, with tattoos lining up and down his arm. He kept his dark hair in a buzz cut and grew a goatee. His eyes were the scariest part of him: beady, washed-out brown, watching like a hawk preparing to take down an unsuspecting mouse.

“How’d you get in?”

“Little Bro was quite accommodating.

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