I Found Her at Christmas by Emelia Ryder

Author:Emelia Ryder [Ryder, Emelia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-01-03T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

I go home and barricade myself in my bedroom. My father doesn’t call out to me as I pass the living room, so he’s either too engrossed in his show to notice, or he’s fallen asleep. I suspect he doesn’t sleep well at night, so he takes a lot of naps in the living room.

I know I have to tell Jeff, but the longer I have this realization the more it terrifies me. Jeff’s reaction to me kissing Gemma last night replays over and over again in my mind. How will he take this news? Not well, I know that for sure.

Is there a way I can end things without telling him the truth? But that wouldn’t be fair to him. Nor would it be likely that he wouldn’t eventually figure things out himself.

We’ve been together for so long. Our relationship has reached the point that family members and friends (his friends, mostly, since I don’t have many) are expecting us to stay together forever and get married and have cute little Meadows-Russell babies. Life with Jeff by my side is a familiar and comforting one, but it’s also restrictive. I was just a kid when I got together with him - and let’s face it, I still am. But I was 18 years old, fresh out of high school and brand new to college. He was the cute boy who looked my way, and I swooned for him.

But now that old feeling of love has disappeared, faded away. It hasn’t turned into that comforting love many people feel, the long term stuff. It’s just vanished. Being around him feels taxing when it used to feel refreshing.

I want that new feeling again, that fresh love. And when I think of that feeling, I think of Gemma, not Jeff. I don’t know what will happen between us - for all I know I have these feeling because she’s the first girl I’ve ever kissed. But right now, those feelings are real and I have to pursue them.

I don’t know what to call myself. “Lesbian”? It doesn’t matter, not at this point. All I know now is that the mere thought of Gemma makes a smile curl across my face. All I know now is that I lie awake in bed at night with her face on my mind, imagining her lips pressed against mine and wanting to do it again and again and again.

If she would even take me . . . I sit up in horror on my bed. I ran from Gemma like she was some terrible person last night. I haven’t answered a single one of her calls. I need to talk to her, immediately. I need to apologize.

I’m picking up my phone to dial Gemma’s number when it rings in my hand. I look down at it in surprise. Jeff is calling me.

I sit there, completely frozen for a long moment. I know that I should pick up. Talking to him now would be perfect. I could come clean and get it over with, rip off the band-aid cleanly and efficiently.

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