I Forgave You Anyway by B.S. Steele

I Forgave You Anyway by B.S. Steele

Author:B.S. Steele [Steele, B.S.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W & B Publishers
Published: 2019-09-13T22:00:00+00:00


Chapter 20: Bigger Britches

As the days wore on, school distracted me from the troubles at home. My stepdad still took us to church regularly, but the world was opening for me. I learned that I loved chemistry, debate class, English and literature. I learned how to make people laugh and how fun it was to swap clothes with my new friend, Faith.

I joined the band, and my confidence began to grow. I no longer relied on my Mother’s every mood to tell me how I should act, or what I should like. She called it rebelling, but I called it independence.

I still liked to wear my pretty church dresses and I still took my religion very seriously. Even hosting a small soul-winning at a lock-in I went to later that year. I met a boy I liked, and slowly tumbled into puppy love. Despite all this, my Mother was still miserable. She didn’t seem fond of my new happiness, and definitely wasn’t interested in my new friends. I tried to ignore her and just live my life, absorbing myself with school. I drew posters of my new favorite song artists, Martina McBride and Tim McGraw. Listening to them over the radio gave me hope and filled me with love and passion for the future.

At the Christian school, worldly music was a giant no-no, and could get you expelled. Now a small part of me was waking up inside, as I heard music I hadn’t heard since I was very little. I started to feel alive. Some days I’d come home, and my Mom would be there, her eyes red-rimmed and she’d still wearing the same stretch pants she had worn for over a week.

I’d find my posters taken down and thrown away, or the buttons from my radio removed. Small things to remind me that she was still in control. I defied her more, feeling stronger than I had ever felt. I learned to dodge her games, but it only made her angrier.

When Prom came around, I was desperate to go. I’d lay in bed at night and dream about beautiful gowns and the perfect dance with someone special. My friends talked about it constantly.

“My Mom is taking me all the way to Pinconning to get a dress!” One would say.

“Well, me and my Mother are going to get mani-pedis the day before, just the two of us,” another would brag.

I thought back to the last time I’d had a special occasion at my Christian school. I was forced to wear a flowered, puff sleeved dress my stepdad bought at a garage sale.

My Mom didn’t have time for dresses and pedicures. We weren’t poor, but with five of six children still living at home, we didn’t have hundreds of dollars to spend on ball gowns and tiaras. I told myself if we had more money, my Mother would take me to Pinconning too.

I told myself that they did the best they could for me and tried to see the sweetness in that one act they had done, ugly secondhand dress or not.



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