How to Be Awake & Alive by Mildred Newman

Author:Mildred Newman [Mildred, Newman]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2016-07-20T00:00:00+00:00

7/

The hole in the bottom of your sack

Aesop had a delightful way of describing people and their foibles. He told about the beggar’s sack, two connected pouches, slung over the shoulder. One pouch was carried on the back and the other hung in front, on the chest. He said people put the faults of others in the pouch in front; their own faults they carried out of sight in the pouch behind.

What would be the modern version of the fable? Today we see ourselves carrying a saddlebag slung over a shoulder. In the pouch in front we carry the happiness, the satisfactions and gratifications of others; we carry our own out of sight, out of mind, in back.

That pouch in back has a hole in the bottom, so the things we might feel good about dribble out—our bag feels empty. No matter how much we try to put in, we feel deprived.

I’ve been listening carefully to your stories of people who are still living in the past, still living in their childhood, or who are living life dreams of anger and revenge, and those who are victims. Aren’t all those people depriving themselves?

You’re quite right. The truth is that everyone who is living a life dream contrived when he was young must be depriving himself of the fullness and richness of feeling truly alive in the present. These are people who are not only depriving themselves but who seem to have the additional goal of emphasizing their deprivation to themselves and to the world. They carry placards saying, “See, I have nothing.”

I guess they are also trying to hide something.

Judge for yourself.

What would you think of a woman who came from modest beginnings, but whose husband succeeded well beyond what most people achieve, whose children are grown, who manages to have all the household help she can use, and who still has to find a way to make herself unhappy?

Her hobby is making pottery, but this woman can make exquisite self-torture out of what could be a satisfying and creative pursuit. She attends classes three afternoons a week, and she spends each morning of those days in agonized conflict over whether she can make herself go. She worries about whether her pots will collapse, whether the design will take and whether her classmates and teacher will like her work.

Of course, she does not keep these concerns to herself. So her friends, her husband, her children, her sisters and brothers cannot say to her, “Isn’t it wonderful that you have the leisure and freedom to pursue your interests? Isn’t it great to have a husband who will deny you nothing, and is pleased to provide you with every comfort and convenience?” They certainly could not ask her, “How does it feel to be living so much better than everyone you grew up with?” They can only feel pity for this poor, tortured woman who has everything but can’t enjoy it. This woman uses her feelings of deprivation to cover her guilt about the luxury of her life style.

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