How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran

Author:Caitlin Moran
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Women's Studies, Nonfiction
ISBN: 9780091940737
Publisher: Ebury Press
Published: 2011-06-15T23:00:00+00:00

Days later, I escape the house with the stupid new dog – now old – and walk to the Heath. I lie under a tree – dressed in my nightie, with a coat thrown over it – and stare up at the leaves. I skin up a joint – just a small one. One appropriate for 2pm.

The people around you are mirrors, I think to myself. The dog is paddling in the lake. I watch her lap at the water.

You see yourself reflected in their eyes. If the mirror is true, and smooth, you see your true self. That’s how you learn who you are. And you might be a different person to different people, but it’s all feedback that you need, in order to know yourself.

But if the mirror is broken, or cracked, or warped, I continue, taking another drag, the reflection is not true. And you start to believe you are this … bad reflection. When I look in Courtney’s eyes, I see a crazy, overbearing woman with unbearable good fortune, who is trying to ruin him.

I pause.

I love him, but be hates me. That’s what I see. I will have to tell Courtney to leave. I can’t live with him any more.

I go home.

*

Courtney won’t leave.

‘I’m not going until I can find a flat as nice as this,’ he says, firmly. ‘I’m not going to go and live somewhere shitty. I’m not going to break up with you and live in fucking … Cricklewood. That wouldn’t be fair.’

He announces that night we won’t fuck any more: ‘I’m too depressed to fuck you,’ he says. ‘Fucking you will make things worse.’

The mirror gets darker. I almost can’t see my face.

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