How Time Is on Your Side by Bridget Watson Payne

Author:Bridget Watson Payne [Watson Payne, Bridget]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Published: 2020-02-20T16:00:00+00:00

THE SELF

“These are the three marriages of work, self, and other.”

—DAVID WHYTE

In his book The Three Marriages, David Whyte proposes that we are married. Not only married in the obvious way, to our spouses, but also married to our work and, most radical notion of all, married to our own selves.

While Whyte’s focus on spouses—to the seeming exclusion, or at least back-seating, of children, friends, siblings, nieces and nephews, parents—may seem a tad myopic, his essential and extremely valid point remains: When we leave self out of the equation we’re leaving out an essential piece.

We ignore our marriage to our own sweet selves—to our emotional and spiritual and mental and physical health—at our peril. We know this. But, yet again, it’s a matter of who has the time?

The answer, it turns out, is lots of people. Lots of people make the time to do the things they need to do to take care of themselves. To nurture their marriages with themselves. And you can too.

Maggi, a psychology student, is clear about the importance of going to therapy. “I never regret making time for talk therapy. I do regret the time I spent wanting things to change while doing nothing to get myself there—but that regret in itself is a waste of time.” She also makes time to talk about it: “‘Coming out’ as someone who struggles with my mental health has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I don’t hide the fact that it is a lot of work for me to be a human existing in the world. I hope talking openly about it contributes to destigmatizing mental illness.”

Two afternoons a week, Casey, an elementary school teacher, attends a boot-camp–style exercise class at a local park. She takes her two children with her—they play or do homework while she works out. Fitness has “become something I need to do. It makes me feel more confident. I can see the progress I’ve made and want to get stronger and faster.” After class she hurries home to cook dinner—not out of obligation but because she enjoys it, “I find the time to cook because I’ve always liked doing it. With both the cooking and the working out, there’s the added bonus of modeling that behavior to my kids.”

But self-care doesn’t have to be all going to therapy and working out, either. Kelly, a vice president at a manufacturing company, works on vintage cars. “I’ve always been interested in cars,” he says, “but the older cars have more soul. I see a ’69 Mustang Fastback and I’m vividly transported back to the driver’s seat of my first car. When you’re passionate about something, you make the time. You set goals to complete your ‘must do’s’ so you can work on your ‘want to’s.’” He adds, “It’s important for couples to understand and be supportive of each other’s pursuits. In this way, I consider myself a very lucky man.”

Ginee, a publishing executive, has been practicing transcendental meditation for two decades.

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