How People Grow by Henry Cloud; John Townsend

Author:Henry Cloud; John Townsend
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Psychology, Family & Relationships, Christian Life, Emotions, General, Religion, Interpersonal Relations, Christian Education, Adult, Self-Help, Biblical Studies, Personal Growth, Self-Actualization (Psychology)
ISBN: 9780310245698
Publisher: Zondervan
Published: 2002-08-31T22:00:00+00:00

11

NO PAIN, NO GAIN: THE ROLE OF SUFFERING AND GRIEF

“Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. ”

Grief is the one pain that heals all others. It is the most important pain there is.

I hate exercise, but I do it. I hate lifting weights and riding my exercise bike, but I do it. I do it because, if I do, I will be healthier, will live longer, and will feel better. Plus I (Henry) have an eleven-month-old daughter who would like to have a father who lives long enough to know her children. My love for her makes me exercise to stay healthy.

Why bring up exercise in a chapter on suffering and grief? Well, first of all, it shows you that I am naturally lazy. But seriously, I bring it up because physical exercise and suffering is analogous to personal growth and suffering. Pain can bring health. As we go through the pain of exercising our bodies, we gain strength and good things happen. But there is something else at work.

Physiologists tell us there is a reason I am sore after I lift weights; in fact, as I write this, I am really sore, as I just resumed weight lifting after several months off. I am sore because I have worked my muscles past their ability; I have stretched their capacity. After my workout they recreate and rejuvenate and grow back to a higher level of development than before. I tear down to rebuild. And through the process of pain, growth happens. I hate it, but it is good.

The same God who designed and created our muscles designed and created our souls. He also created the process of growing them and rebuilding them from their fallen, crippled state. Just as we stretch our muscles to make them stronger, God stretches our souls to grow them into something stronger and better. Sometimes he literally “wounds” and “heals” (Isa. 30:26). And it is true that “blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being” (Prov. 20:30). Certain suffering tears down aspects of our character that need to be torn down and builds up new aspects that we need in order to live as we were designed to live. So suffering can be good. It can take us to places where one more season of “comfort” cannot.

But suffering can also be terrible. Some suffering is not a “wound . . . to heal.” Such suffering inflicts evil on a person’s heart and soul and is totally outside God’s desire. Although God can bring good out of the experience, the experience itself is no good at all.

I sometimes use this analogy when I speak: “If one of you walked out of this meeting and a guy with a mask walked up to you in the dark parking lot, took out a knife, stabbed you in the stomach, took all your money, and left you in an unconscious state, you would call him a mugger. Someone would call the police, and they would try to find the perpetrator.

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