How NOT to Be a Vampire Slayer by Katy Birchall

Author:Katy Birchall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.

It turns out playing sports with a vampire is a bit of a depressing affair.

“OK, Sharptooth,” Miles begins, taking a soccer ball out of his bag and rolling it onto the ground. “The aim of this game is to score by kicking the ball into the net.” He points to where he’s put a couple of our schoolbags standing in for goalposts a few feet away. “Or for now, as we don’t have a net, in between those two bags.”

“Sounds simple enough,” Sharptooth says enthusiastically, clapping her hands. “Nowhere near as complicated as badminton. No wonder vampires don’t bother with soccer.”

“Actually, it’s not as simple as it sounds,” Miles says, trying not to look offended. “When it’s played properly, you have two teams so you come against defenders who will be trying their best to stop you.”

“Oooh! Do they stop you by trying to kill you?”

Miles grimaces. “No. They just … tackle you.”

“Oh.” Sharptooth shrugs. “Not overly exciting, then.”

Ari and I try to stifle our laughter, while Miles looks furious, pretending to sort out his headlamp so Sharptooth doesn’t notice his thunderous expression.

This isn’t the first time Sharptooth has ruined sports for Miles. Since their first meeting, Ari and Miles have come with me twice to see Sharptooth, and last time Miles attempted to introduce Sharptooth to cricket. When it was her time to bat, she hit the ball so far out, it was lost forever, and then did about five hundred runs at lightning speed before we yelled at her to stop. Her fielding ability was even more hilarious—she caught every single ball, even when Miles tried to get away with tapping it so lightly it plopped just in front of him. We blinked and Sharptooth was lying on the ground at his feet yawning, the cricket ball safely in the palm of her hand before it had even bounced.

Since we have to meet her at dusk every time, I think it’s almost a good thing that the games finish so quickly. It wouldn’t be ideal if they dragged on, as we never have as much time with her as we’d like. She has to time our meetings carefully to make sure there’s no chance a vampire might be strolling in the woods and see us in the field beyond. She also has to be sure that she won’t be missed for too long and that Count Bloodthirst is preferably teaching a noisy class or down in the dungeons where the walls are thickest—apparently his hearing is so good that that he might hear us at the edge of the woods if we were being too loud.

And we need to make sure we don’t stay out in the dark so long that my parents will start to worry. As far as they’re aware, we’re all REALLY into learning new bike tricks at the moment.

I just hope they don’t ask me to show them a trick I’ve been working on any time soon.

Ari and Miles are as in awe of Sharptooth as I am.

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