Helping Your Kids Deal with Anger, Fear, and Sadness by H. Norman Wright

Author:H. Norman Wright
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: book
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
Published: 2005-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

7

Where Do Their Fears

Come From?

Children are not born with fear. They learn to be afraid. It is developed; therefore, much of it is preventable. How do children develop fear? Experience is one way. One single traumatic event may be all it takes for that fear to gain a foothold and hang on for dear life. And if this upsetting experience is repeated again and again, it can become much stronger. For instance, if a child eats a piece of fruit and becomes ill, she may have a fear of eating that fruit again. Another child may have had an accident while visiting the zoo. Now every time his parents suggest visiting the zoo, fear begins to build.

Years ago one of the girls in my high school group shared with me her experience with cats. As a young child, she was riding her tricycle around the block. Suddenly, a cat emerged from inside one of the houses, attacked her, and scratched her leg. After that, every time she saw a cat, or someone suggested getting her one, she became terrified. When I met her, the fear was so intense that if someone brought a cat into the room, she would literally bolt out the door.

I had my tonsils taken out when I was six years old. My doctor told me I would be in the hospital for two or three days, and I could eat a lot of sherbet. But my adenoids bled for a week, and I had a very unpleasant experience. For years, whenever I would visit the doctor’s office and smell the same hospital smells, I experienced a sense of anxiety.

When these fears are not dealt with, children will generalize them to other situations or objects, and they can be carried into adult life. We have had parents ask us why their child is afraid of a specific item or situation. They are confused because the child has never been exposed to it or had a bad experience with it. Children’s fears are often generalized to other things or experiences. A child who was attacked by a rooster while visiting a farm soon reacts with fear to most feathered animals, even stuffed animals. A child who accidentally locked herself in her closet soon refuses to go into any small room, and wants to leave the door open to both the bathroom and her bedroom. Another child, startled by a train whistle near his grandmother’s home, fell off his bike. Since then, he jumps at any loud, piercing sound and often begins to cry. The next year, he threw a tantrum when his parents tried to take him on a train in an amusement park.

Children Who Acquire Fear from Their Parents

How do children learn to be afraid? They may actually learn some of their fears from us. Children learn through modeling and imitative learning. They like to imitate adults who are important to them. I may tell my child not to be afraid of going to the doctor, but

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