Healing is a Choice Workbook by Stephen Arterburn

Author:Stephen Arterburn [Arterburn, Stephen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperChristian Resources
Published: 2019-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

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2. How did you respond to the event? Did you reject it at first or try to deny it was happening to you?

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3. Have you been able to embrace it? If so, how long did it take? Or, are you still in the process of accepting and embracing it?

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4. Since you embraced the new reality in your life, how have you felt?

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Lesson Two: “We’re All Just So Screwed Up!”

Are you offended by the term “screwed up”? Some of you may be. However, you might be surprised to learn that the phrase is listed in the Oxford Dictionary. It means “bungle” or “mess.” Those two words have a number of meanings, including: trouble, mismanagement, work clumsily, state of confusion, and embarrassment. Put all those words together and you get “screwed up”!

It would be an error to say that we all have our “act together.” Most of the time, the exact opposite is true. Very few of us have our act together. Add to that the fact that human beings are an unpredictable lot. We do some unexpected and weird things without warning.

Our lives are not always as organized and well-managed as we’d prefer. Often, old wounds and emotional scars keep us “screwed up” and disoriented.

We suffer that condition due to sudden, violent, even evil acts perpetrated on us by people whose agenda was to harm. It wasn’t so much what we did, as what people did to us. It’s not surprising that some of us would be “screwed up.” What is surprising is that some of us can cope at all. Sadly, many people can’t.

We marry individuals who we intuitively know are not compatible. We damage significant relationships, thus isolating ourselves. We make choices that result in long-term negative consequences. We’re often “screwed up” from pretending that everything in our life is perfect when, clearly, it is not. We cover our pain with facades.

By definition, a facade is a deceptive outward appearance. In ancient Greek theaters, the masks worn by actors were facades. If they wanted to convey happiness, they wore a smiling facade. If they wanted to convey sadness, they wore a frowning one.

People still wear facades every day, often to mask what is really true inside them. They are covering up, hiding their real selves. Such masquerading is another way of being “screwed up” and pretending to be something other than what we really are.

Chapter 5 taught us that defenses and pretenses are debilitating obstacles to healing. They keep us in bondage. In contrast, Scripture teaches that “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32 NLT). Facades and lies imprison us in jails of our own design.

The good news of the gospel is that redemption is available. No one has to stay in the condition in which they find themselves. Everyone has free choices to make each day that either heal us or hurt us.

Regarding divorce, facing and embracing it means that we refuse to live in denial. We remove the facades and defense mechanisms, and accept reality.

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