Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Fitzpatrick Elyse M. & Thompson Jessica

Author:Fitzpatrick, Elyse M. & Thompson, Jessica [Fitzpatrick, Elyse M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781433520235
Publisher: Good News Publishers
Published: 2011-05-05T17:00:00+00:00

Our Welcome in the Family

We know that some parents insist that children immediately ask for forgiveness for their offenses, sometimes so that the correction will cease. Although such parents long for immediate reconciliation and repentance, we disagree with this practice. We do not think it is ever advisable to tempt children to lie. Certainly children should be taught that pain is a consequence for disobedience and that their disobedience affects others, not just themselves. They should be encouraged to ask God and others (including their parents) for forgiveness, but only if they are genuinely sorry.

If we encourage children to ask for forgiveness when their hearts haven’t been stricken by the rod of the Holy Spirit’s conviction, we are training them to be hypocritical. We are inadvertently teaching them that false professions of sorrow will satisfy God. God is never pleased with outward proclamations of devotion when the heart is far from him (Isa. 29:13; Matt. 15:7–9); in fact, he hates it. The truth is that we can never know with any certainty whether their proclamations of repentance are true, because only God knows the heart (Jer. 17:5). Assuming that we can see into the heart is a sign of our pride, and it is dangerous for them.

Rather than insisting on an immediate show of repentance, you should give your children time to respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Assure them you are praying for them. Ask them to wait for a while, pray that they will have grace to understand and change, and then leave them in the hands of the Holy Spirit. When you do, you’ll be amazed at how quickly many of them will come around and willingly ask for forgiveness. But even if they don’t, you can and should continue to lavish them with your love, confessing your own unbelief, disobedience, and faith in God’s promise to continue to love you even though you don’t see or confess even one tenth of your own sin.

We don’t have to sever our relationship with unrepentant children, because our relationship is not based on their merit but rather on the ties of family love. All our relationships are based on and must reflect our relationship with the Lord. Our sin does grieve us but, if we are in Christ, our sin can never separate us from him. “God does not slack his promises because of our sins,” says Paul, in essence, “or hasten them because of our righteousness and merits. He pays no attention to either.”9

We are not telling you to ignore bad behavior; nor are we saying that sinful behavior should not be corrected. We are saying that we should teach our children that sinful behavior does not alter their relationship with us. If our parenting is modeled on the gospel, then their sin, hardness, and unbelief will grieve us, we will seek to discipline and correct it, we will pray for them about it, and we will continue to love and welcome them in spite of it.

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