Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening by Robert J Meyers & Brenda L. Wolfe

Author:Robert J Meyers & Brenda L. Wolfe
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2017-11-08T16:00:00+00:00

chapter 6

Let the Good Times Roll

Vanessa and Martin

By the time Vanessa turned twenty-one, she had already become an expert at taking care of her dad. Her mother passed away shortly after Vanessa’s thirteenth birthday, and Martin, her father, never really recovered from the loss. At first he drank to “numb the pain,” and then he drank “to forget.” As time wore on, people came to expect him to be drunk and began avoiding him. Finally he seemed to drink just to fill the void where his life had once been. Through all of this, Vanessa was the one person who stood by him. In fact, she pretty much missed her adolescence while she raised her younger sister, argued with and cajoled her father in attempts to get him to quit, and devoted her time to running the household. Vanessa was old before her time and came into treatment feeling hopeless and resentful as well as guilty for feeling hopeless and resentful.

If you skimmed the table of contents before starting this book, chances are this chapter title caught your eye. What is a title like this doing in the middle of a serious book about a serious problem? Well, it’s quite simple really. You deserve some fun.

Think of all the work and energy you have invested dealing with problems caused by alcohol abuse. How many times have you pulled your family through a crisis or kept your loved one safe by hiding the car keys? Have you ever saved your kids from being verbally or physically abused? Have you taken on the role of father and mother or sole breadwinner? How much have you done to keep the delicate balance between a sane and insane life with a drinker? The answer is probably “a lot.” In fact, we guess you have been working so hard at keeping your life together that you have given almost no time or attention to enjoying that life. It is time to change that.

Starting right now, begin rewarding yourself for your effort. In fact, reward yourself just for being you. As the title says, it’s time to let the good times roll.

Self-reward (that’s what we’re talking about here) is not all that different from the kind of rewards you give family, friends, or co-workers. You smile at them, tell them they did a good job, or sometimes reward them with tangibles such as money, gifts, or special time. Rewarding ourselves only requires minor adjustments from the way we reward others. Instead of smiling at the outside world, you smile at yourself on the inside. Telling yourself that you’ve done well requires fewer resources than telling others; you don’t need to say it out loud—just think it. You can reward yourself with physical things just as easily as you reward others—easier in fact because you don’t have to guess at what would be a good reward. You know what you like.

Given that one of the major objectives of this program is to improve the quality of your life, it is essential that you introduce some good times into each day.

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