French Without Tears by Terence Rattigan

Author:Terence Rattigan [Rattigan,Terence ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781780016818
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

Act Two, Scene One

Scene: same as Act One.

Time: a fortnight later, about 2 p.m.

Lunch is just finished. All the characters seen in Act One are still sitting at the table. MAINGOT sits at one end, ALAN facing him at the other end. On MAINGOT’s right are ROGERS, DIANA, and KIT, in that order, facing the audience. On his left are BRIAN, KENNETH, and JACQUELINE, also in that order, with their backs to the audience. On the rise of the curtain conversation is general. ALAN is talking to JACQUELINE, BRIAN to MAINGOT, and ROGERS to DIANA. After a few seconds conversation lapses and ROGERS’ voice can be heard.

ROGERS. Oh, yes, Tuppy Jones. Yes, he’s in Belligerent. I know him quite well. Cheery cove. (He chuckles.) There’s an amusing story about him as a matter of fact. He got a bit tight in Portsmouth, and broke seven Belisha Beacons with an air pistol.

MAINGOT. (Turning politely to ROGERS.) Eh, bien, Monsieur le Commandant, voulez-vous raconter votre petite histoire en français? Please to tell your little story in French.

ROGERS. (Confused.) Oh, no, sir. That’s a bit unfair. I don’t know enough.

MAINGOT. You should have learnt enough, my Commander.

ROGERS. But, dash it, sir, I’ve only been here a few days.

MAINGOT. Two weeks, my Commander. After two weeks my pupils are usually enough advanced to tell me little stories in French.

ROGERS. Well, I’m afraid I can’t tell this one, sir. It wasn’t a story anyway.

ALAN. (Leaning forward malevolently.) Au contraire, Monsieur, l’histoire de Monsieur le Commandant était excessivement rigolo.

MAINGOT. Bien. Alors, racontez-la vous même.

ALAN. Il parâit qu’il connait un type qui s’appelle Tuppy Jones. Alors ce bonhomme, se promenant un soir par les rues de Portsmouth, et ayant un peu trop bu, a brisé, à coups de pistolet à vent, sept Belisha Beacons.

MAINGOT. (Who has been listening attentively, his ear cupped in his hand.) Et puis?

ALAN. C’est tout, Monsieur.

MAINGOT. C’est tout?

KIT. Vous savez que ce Tuppy Jones était d’un esprit le plus fin du monde.

MAINGOT. Je crois bien. Au même temps, je n’ai pas tout à fait compris. Qu’est-ce que ça veut dire – Belisha Beacons?

ALAN. Ah, ça c’est un peu compliqué.

BRIAN. (Showing off his French.) Belisha Beacons sont des objets – (He stops.)

ALAN. Qui se trouvent actuellement dans les rues de Londres –

KIT. Et qui sont dédiés au salut des passants.

MAINGOT. Aha. Des emblemes religieux?

ALAN. C’est ça. Des emblèmes religieux.

MAINGOT. (To ROGERS.) So one finds it funny in England to break these religious emblems with a wind pistol?

ROGERS. (Not having understood.) Well – (MAINGOT shrugs his shoulders sadly.)

(Angrily to ALAN.) Damn you, Howard.

BRIAN. That’s not fair.

ALAN. It was a very good story, I thought.

MAINGOT. (Rising, having finished his wine.) Bien, Messieurs, Mesdames, la session est terminée. (He gets up. ALL get up after him.)

(Holding up his hand.) One moment please. I speak in English for those who cannot understand. How many of you are going tonight to the Costume Ball and great battle of flowers at the Casino? Please hold up your hands.

KIT. (To ALAN.) Good lord! Is it July the fourteenth? I’d no idea.

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