Five to Thrive by Kathy Koch PhD

Author:Kathy Koch, PhD [Koch, Kathy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2020-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

WHEN WE’RE TOXIC

But what about when we are the friends who are unhealthy or unpleasant? This slice of Job’s life reminds me of a challenging time in my own past with my friend Emily. (Do you remember her from chapter 1?)

I praise God that Emily valued our friendship enough to communicate a concern she had about me. She sent me a letter many years ago. She eloquently and carefully explained that our friendship was at risk because she often felt like a project I was trying to finish or a problem I wanted to fix. She asked me to love her rather than analyze her.

I wasn’t aware how I was coming across, but I saw it as soon as she called me on it. I can easily analyze people and help them solve their problems, but anything well done, overdone, is badly done. Our relationship began with Emily wanting and needing my insights, but she had gained a healthy perspective and was learning to think on her own. She was no longer the same person. Now she needed me to listen, support her, and not analyze and teach. I, therefore, needed to learn how to demonstrate my love and care in different ways.

I independently worked through some issues, apologized to her, repented (changed directions), and chose to work on new behaviors. This helped to make me a more trustworthy friend, improved our security, and strengthened belonging. Our friendship became stronger than ever.

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