Father of the Bride by Edward Streeter

Author:Edward Streeter
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Humorous, Romantic Comedy, Family Life, Fiction, Romance, Suspense, Thrillers
ISBN: 9781476799308
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2015-04-27T23:00:00+00:00

The place began to look like a setup for The Lost Weekend.

• • •

Given enough ointment there is always a fly. Given enough presents there is always One-of-Them. They are as inevitable as death. The only thing that is unpredictable is the direction from which they come. Kay’s arrived one Saturday in a large wooden box, buried deep in Its nest of excelsior as if trying to hide Its shame.

It was a china lad in a china pink coat and a china maid in a Harlem pink skirt, crossing a china bridge which did not bridge anything, on Harlem blue china feet. As It rose from Its hiding place the family looked at It in stunned silence as the crew of a South Seas whaler might have watched a sea serpent emerge from the waters beside the ship. They knew, without the necessity of words, that this was IT.

Mr. Banks was the first to recover himself. “Who?” he demanded through clenched teeth. They pawed through the excelsior and fished out a card. “With love and affection from Aunt Marne.”

A composite sound came from the Banks family. It was the cumulative cry of man’s frustration through the ages. It might have been made by a Neanderthal father who, returning to his cave, finds a saber-toothed tiger licking his whiskers at the entrance.

Aunt Marne, of all people! The one member of the family who had been counted on to come across handsomely—preferably with a substantial check! She was rich, she was unmarried and she spent a week with the Bankses each fall. When Mr. Banks thought of all the evenings he had spent listening to Aunt Marne’s non-stop chatter he was sorry he had not given way to his instincts while the opportunity was at hand and regardless of the consequences.

This was the Great Betrayal. From now on the name of Aunt Marne would be coupled with those of Judas Iscariot, Brutus, Benedict Arnold and Tojo.

“What are we going to do with it?” wailed Kay.

“Do you want me to tell you?” asked Mr. Banks.

Mrs. Banks examined it at arm’s length. “I suppose we’ll have to put it with the other presents. She’s apt to come popping in any time.”

“Perhaps we could change it”—hopefully.

“I’ve been looking. It doesn’t say where it came from.”

“It would be a pity to drop it,” said Mr. Banks.

They put It on a card table in a far corner. They tried It on top of a chest of drawers. They hid It on a window sill behind an electric clock. No matter where they placed It, It was the first object which struck the eye when one entered the room.

The visitors’ opening gambit was unvaried. “My dear, I never saw so many lovely presents.” Then they would walk straight to the Thing and stand before It, picking up little objects in the neighborhood and laying them down. It was only a matter of minutes before they would have their hands on It. Operating on the theory that offense is the best defense, Mrs.

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