Every Woman's Marriage by Shannon Ethridge

Author:Shannon Ethridge [Ethridge, Shannon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-49972-1
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2011-12-13T16:00:00+00:00

VALIDATE EACH OTHER’S FEELINGS

Women often say they want their husbands to communicate more on an emotional level, but for most men to feel comfortable doing that, they must know we honor their feelings, whether we agree with their assessments or not. If your husband shares his feelings, try not to get angry with him for having them. Again, applaud his courage to confront the issue.

Greg and I were out on a date recently and saw a bumper sticker that read, “Men have feelings too! But then, who cares?” I was saddened by the expression because I think it says what many men feel, not just because of the world we live in, but because of the women they live with.

I’m sure that Greg would have to say that he’s felt that way on more than one occasion. For example, he has always had a personal aversion to the word stupid. Of course, I’ve never called him stupid, but I have made the mistake of impatiently saying something along the lines of, “Why would we want to spend money on more life insurance? That’s stupid!” From Greg’s perspective, I may as well have said, “You are stupid for thinking we need more life insurance!” I share this example because one of the main ways I believe we can validate our husbands’ feelings is by intentionally avoiding the things that we know would hurt them in any way.

Of course, Greg has had to learn this lesson as well. In our early years of marriage, we’d occasionally go to my parents’ house for family get-togethers, where my father and older brother would inevitably wind up picking on me about some petty little something just to get a rise out of me. As the baby of the family, I was used to their teasing, but when my husband chimed in and gave them a little ammunition to use against me (disclosing something I had done or said that simply reinforced what they were teasing me about), the situation wasn’t so funny to me anymore. It was all part of the game to Greg, but to me it felt like betrayal. I communicated my feelings to him, and although he didn’t really understand why it was such a big deal to me that he not join with my family in poking fun at me, he apologized that he hurt me and agreed not to play that game anymore out of respect for my feelings.

Validating someone’s feelings is simply a matter of somehow communicating, “I’m not sure I would feel the same way in this situation, but you have a valid right to feel the way you do, and I can respect and appreciate that.” Validation is our way of saying to our spouses, “I’m in your corner. I’ve got your back. I won’t twist this knife or use this information against you or think any less of you because you feel this way. If anything, I think more highly of you for trusting me with your feelings.

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