Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West

Author:Xan West [West, Xan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: holiday romance, Chanukah romance, contemporary romance, f/f, BDSM, polyamory, Friends to Lovers, kink, seasoned romance, getting your groove back, roommates to lovers, kink lessons, erotica
Publisher: Xan West
Published: 2019-12-15T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 32

Tuesday afternoon, December 24

Leah

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Well aren’t you a breath of fresh air.

PanStoneButch: Am I?

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Yeah. You really are.

Had she really said that? It was what she’d been thinking since that first scene, but she hadn’t really meant to blurt it out like that.

PanStoneButch: Can you tell me more about that?

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Ok. I’ve played with other novice dominants before. They don’t usually...surprise me like you do.

PanStoneButch: I see.

LeahBlumensteinNYC: That’s a compliment, in case that wasn’t clear.

PanStoneButch: Oh, is it now?

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Yes. The surprises are good ones.

PanStoneButch: It would be helpful to have examples.

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Oh. Ok. I was being vague wasn’t I?

PanStoneButch: A bit, yes.

She’d been avoiding. Because it felt...vulnerable to talk about. But she should.

LeahBlumensteinNYC: So I think part of it is that you seem to be pleased by things I wouldn’t have anticipated, and they catch me by surprise. Which isn’t really about you being a novice at all.

PanStoneButch: *nods*

PanStoneButch: *waits for examples*

Right. Of course.

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Like, you praised me for telling you I couldn’t take more of the bristles. You didn’t expect me to be super still, in fact you were clear that wasn’t something you wanted. And, you seemed pleased when I showed initiative and went and got the wedge. It’s like...you value different things from most of the folks I’ve played with.

PanStoneButch: Those are good surprises?

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Yeah. It’s exciting, keeps me on my toes, not knowing, and having a bunch of new stuff to learn. But also. I don’t know.

PanStoneButch: *gently* I think you know. It’s ok to say it.

LeahBlumensteinNYC: I think the stuff you value...it makes me feel safe in a new way. Like I can react how I react, and you want that. I don’t have to try to act like a submissive is generally expected to act. I can have helpful ideas and expertise and offer them, and they aren’t assumed to be challenging your dominance. My boundaries and sensory needs are seen as good and important and you want me to communicate about them.

PanStoneButch: *listening*

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Because, like, for some dominants the question isn’t whether I’m up for a sensation or not, but whether I’m willing to tolerate intense difficulty and discomfort, or can’t tolerate it. I don’t think they get the way that works for me sensorily, to tolerate sensations my body is rejecting. Yes I can gut my way through it, I’ve got tons of practice at tolerating sensory awfulness, but it will be hugely draining and cost me so much for the next several days and make everything that comes after it unpredictable and hyperintense and often intolerable. I’ve tried to explain, but it’s like they just don’t get it, so I just stopped trying after a while. For them it’s all about me using my will to submit to force myself to take things, as the ultimate value. And that kind of play changes how submission feels, to me.

PanStoneButch: Maybe they don’t get it because they’re allistic? (I’m just guessing.)

LeahBlumensteinNYC: Yeah. Probably. I haven’t played with many autistic doms.

PanStoneButch: Leah,

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