Drawn To You (Java Co Junkies Book 1) by Kristen Rose

Author:Kristen Rose [Rose, Kristen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Independent
Published: 2022-08-30T16:00:00+00:00

Twenty One

Old Nightmares

Abigail

No…the word rose in my mind as I struggled to move, but I couldn’t I was paralyzed by fear. Someone was in my room. The sound of the door closing must have startled me awake, making me flinch. I tried to force open my eyes, but exhaustion weighed them down. The room was still spinning from all the alcohol I had consumed earlier, keeping me under. Whoever was in my room was getting closer. No! No!

I snapped awake with the words, driving me to the surface of consciousness. The memory of that night and the image of him rose slowly in my mind. I could still remember the feeling of the cold bathroom floor against my skin, as I lay there, afterward, crying, and bleeding. The memory was a shot of adrenaline. I forced open my eyes and push away thoughts of the Monster that haunts me. Painful heaves rip from the back of my throat as I double over, clutching my stomach and I curl into the fetal position. It’s been months since I last had the old recurring nightmare. I thought I was finally starting to put it all behind me, especially seeing as how I had somewhat of a major breakthrough with Joshua.

Before him, I never allowed anyone to get close enough to touch me sexually. I avoided dating completely because of it. But for some reason, I didn’t have those reservations with Joshua. It just felt natural with him and I loved his touch. I don’t understand it but it’s true. Somehow he got past my defenses and showed me I can enjoy sex without being haunted by my past. Being with Joshua makes me feel free. At least when I’m caught up in the moment.

Rolling out of bed I try to forget my nightmare. I used to obsess and try to remember the details, and piece together the events of that horrendous night so I could pinpoint the exact moment I went wrong because no matter what I will always feel like it was my fault. Even though I know logically I was a victim. I can’t shake that weird sense of guilt and shame. I had gotten wasted for the first time ever at my older cousin’s insistence I drank with him while he was home on temporary leave from the military. I drank just about a full bottle of vodka that night. It wasn’t until later that I realized he had been feeding me alcohol on purpose, he’d all but poured the liquor down my throat. I hate how easy it was for him to manipulate me that night, and I absolutely despise myself for it. Tears well in my eyes at the thought, despite my efforts to stop them.

Frustration burned through me, and before I know it, I’m off my bed and pacing my room, but it was not enough. I need to move, need to get out of this room, I need to clear my mind before I spiral.

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