Cherry Blossom Children by Dani Valdis

Author:Dani Valdis
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781781480687
Publisher: Grosvenor House Publishing
Published: 2012-05-01T00:00:00+00:00

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”

Virginia Satir

American Psychologist and Educator (1916 - 1988)

CHAPTER 11

Moving On

Many meetings were to take place in trying to achieve our hopes and intentions. But the answer was always the same, ‘Not in everyone’s best interests.’ We were to dispute this in so many different ways. The community support we had was astounding, our friends thought we were crazy but never the less gave us their full support. Supportive letters were flying from many parts of the country landing on the desk of both the fostering department and our Member of Parliament of the time. The decision was made by one person who considered that one family were not able to meet the needs of all the children especially as the two family groups were likely to be under different ‘umbrellas.’ By this she meant that one family was working towards adoption whilst the other was likely to be in long term fostering. Titles, names, circumstances, the future may have to be considered! We had not made the decision lightly, nor looked at the situation through rose-coloured glasses, the decision was based on the reality we were living with, those that could witness it had insight, hence gave the support we were fortunate enough to receive. We had worked extremely hard with both families, and to some extent we were beginning to realise that we needed to keep moving forward for Aaron’s and Gareth’s benefit. Throughout this period letters would arrive on our doorstep from the department regularly, but never during the week when we could question them or respond immediately. These letters consistently arrived on a Saturday morning which only served to fuel my fire and culminated in a fury born of frustration that sometimes proved difficult to contain, though at times like this the garden benefited in an effort to redirect my anger.

During 1987, the children in our care continued to make strides, some days these strides would be huge and there would be a personal developmental breakthrough for one or the other, on occasions for all three at once! The greatest change came when Dad was finally held in custody for James’ injuries and those of another child. Though visits to Mum continued until the middle of the year. These visits were more enjoyable to the trio now that the strongest influence was no longer around, hence relieving the fear embedded in the children. Their behaviour had improved but now lingering doubts for their future were hovering over them. We continued our ongoing debate with the department to provide a family home for all six children because this worked for us! There had to be a way around it and we were determined to find it for the sake of all of them. In time we received a letter to the effect that

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