Bringing the Gospel Home by Newman Randy

Author:Newman, Randy [Newman, Randy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Crossway
Published: 2011-04-06T16:00:00+00:00

One careful distinction needs to be made. People come to mismatched marriages from different starting points. In some cases, two non-Christians married and then, later on, one came to faith. In other marriages, a Christian married a nonbeliever, fully knowing he or she was disobeying God’s commandment against being “unequally yoked” (see 2 Cor. 6:14). These different scenarios require different approaches.

For both situations, the advice listed above, along with much that is written on this topic, will prove helpful. But in the latter situation, Christians need to repent of whatever idolatry led them into their current state. Only after the obstacle of their past disobedience is addressed can they approach their unsaved spouse with gospel integrity. I know this may sound harsh. But far too many marriages remain needlessly stuck at this point. The cross offers forgiveness for even this kind of sin.

Don witnessed to his unsaved wife with no apparent effect for over a decade. To be sure, he loved her. But he also had to admit that part of his motivation in getting married was fear. Approaching his late thirties, he wondered if he’d ever find a wife. He married a woman who said she loved him even though she had no interest in his Christian faith. He figured she’d come around eventually. Twelve years later, she still hadn’t budged. It was only after Don admitted that he had disobeyed God, confessed it as sin, and experienced the forgiveness wrought by the cross that Don could witness to his wife with a clear conscience.

He didn’t share all his internal processing with his wife. There was no point in telling her that marrying her involved some disobedience. But now that he had brought that sin to the foot of the cross, he could pursue his relationship with Christ with more freedom and joy. She noticed. The faith he’d been trying to share with her for years now seemed attractive. She has recently joined him in worshiping Jesus as Savior and Lord.

The motivations for marrying (and dating) non-Christians vary. But they’re all bad. For some, like Don, it’s fear or a lack of trust in God’s provision or a lack of belief in the goodness of God. For others, it’s lust. Other Christians find a kind of thrill in rebelling against their upbringing or church. For some, it’s an indication that their faith isn’t as important as it appeared. When you care more about a relationship with another person than you care about obeying God, well, nothing could describe idolatry better than that. In some cases, marrying a nonbeliever merely shows that Christ never was the center of that person’s life.

These are hard sayings, and I utter them with great hesitancy. But until you get to the root of the problem, progress in your own spiritual growth will remain stunted and the likelihood that your spouse will find salvation is minimal.

Passing Love On

If we’re trying to avoid sloppy agape, Band-Aid, or stoic versions of love, we might need to have some difficult conversations.

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