Break the Good Girl Myth by Majo Molfino

Author:Majo Molfino
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2020-06-05T00:00:00+00:00

EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS

Look back at these strategies for reclaiming your feelings and choose one or two that you can commit to doing or trying for the first time this week. Schedule a dedicated container of time for whichever forms of expression you choose. Then debrief in your journal what the experience was like.

Developing Your Intuition

The mindful observation of our bodily sensations can help us process difficult feelings, and it can also help us access our inner wisdom when we need to make key life decisions. One of my clients, Vansha, a forty-three-year-old software product manager, received a job offer from a swanky startup in London. Under the Myth of Logic, she made a list of pros and cons in an effort to decide if she should take the job. It was clear that the pros outweighed the cons, but the cons felt like pebbles in her shoe. Something (but what?) didn’t feel right. Vansha couldn’t put her finger on it. Practically speaking, she should take the job. It was high-paying and checked all the other boxes as well. I realized we needed to create a practice of listening to what a yes feels like and what a no feels like in her body. It involved going inward instead of searching for answers outside herself. I asked Vansha to close her eyes and guided her through a visualization of working in London.

“What’s happening in your body?”

“I feel heavy, almost sleepy.”

“Do you feel expanded or contracted?”

She paused to listen a bit more. “Contracted. Definitely contracted.”

I asked her to elaborate. What did contraction feel like, exactly? She mentioned that her throat had tightened up and there was a pinch in her belly. As we sat with the feeling, she began to express her uneasiness with the team, how when she entered the company’s office, her body had immediately tensed up. We had our answer. London was not her next move. It was a simple exercise, but her body was handing her the wisdom she needed.

Through mindfulness, we can tap into this powerful, deeper form of intelligence. Next time you’re feeling uncertain about a decision, get quiet, close your eyes, and listen to your body’s cues. Visualize a scenario in which you answer yes to the decision—how does your body respond? Imagine a scenario in which you answer no to the decision—how does your body respond? You can begin to record and learn your cues, which are different for each of us. Let’s call this the Body’s Yes Versus No Technique, and you can come back to it as needed. It’s also included in your toolbox at the end of the chapter.

When a decision is a no for me, my breath feels more stuck and shallow, while a yes often means a deep sigh of relief or a feeling that my breath is circulating through my limbs more freely. It can be as simple as expansion, in which your body relaxes and feels as if it’s swelling or getting bigger, versus contraction, in which your shoulders tighten and you feel as if you’re shrinking.

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