Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud

Author:Henry Cloud
Format: epub
Tags: Array
Publisher: Zondervan

Take-Away Tips

Let’s end this section with a few suggestions to deal successfully with the “oppositeness rules” problem.

Reserve your dating life for people actively involved in the growth process. Those who are taking ownership of their deficits are less likely to develop dependencies on the strengths of others.

Be in the growth process yourself. Growth attracts growth. You will find yourself more drawn to others for healthy reasons, and less attracted to others because of what you don’t possess.

Make a distinction between attraction to a person based on your deficits, or someone’s attraction to you based on his deficits, and attraction to a person’s uniqueness and differentness.

Make sure your dating relationship involves both love and truth. Challenge each other to grow. If your relationship is one of total comfort, you may be contributing to each other’s spiritual laziness.

Set boundaries on your tendencies to rescue each other from your character deficits. If you are the connector, like Pete, don’t do all the relational work for your date. If you are the assertive one, like Alex, don’t enable your date by doing all the confronting. Encourage, but don’t rescue.

Normalize and identify each of your character deficits. Such issues as detachment, irresponsibility, overresponsibility, perfectionism, authority conflicts, and the like, should be topics that you both can talk about personally, about yourself and each other. Two good sources of information about these issues are Changes That Heal by Dr. Cloud and Hiding from Love by Dr. Townsend. Be agents of growth, healing, and change for each other, specifically in these issues.

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