Body of Truth by Harriet Brown

Author:Harriet Brown [Brown, Harriet]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780738217703
Publisher: Da Capo Press

My Husband Tells Me I’m Beautiful, But . . .

Shannon, thirty-three, is a social worker near Raleigh, North Carolina.

I’ve had body image problems for as long as I can remember. The classic moment was when I was eleven and my grandmother made a comment about how flat my stomach was. That became a trigger point for me. I started dieting around fifteen, and it was a kind of bonding thing with my mom. She’s dieted her whole life; she thought she was fat but she was tiny. She’d be happy when I wanted to diet with her.

Now when I diet I have a fairly easy job losing weight. I did Weight Watchers two years ago and lost ten pounds, then got tired of it and gained it right back, plus a couple more. When I’m not dieting I go right back to where I started: five foot five and about 170 pounds.

My husband tells me I’m beautiful all the time. But when I’m not dieting, I have a huge sense of anxiety about the lack of control over what I’m eating. I get this “I’m fat” mind-set. I’m not happy when I am dieting, either, though I get this sense of self-righteousness, that I’m doing something good by losing weight.

The thing that terrifies me is that I don’t want my daughter to turn out like this. She’s not old enough to understand any of this yet, but I lived it, I watched my mother do this to herself, and I feel like I’m repeating that already. And I don’t know how to get away from it.

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