Banyan Moon by Thao Thai

Author:Thao Thai
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2023-06-27T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 21

Ann

Noah sounds breathless when he answers the phone. It’s not kind of me, but I feel a tiny, grim satisfaction that he rushed for my call. Him chasing me for once. When I glance at my watch and mark the time—2:17 on a Thursday—I remember, in the part of my mind that used to center my days around his teaching schedule, that he has a grad seminar in ten minutes. I picture him standing amid students in the classics building. He’s probably inching past them, sweaters rubbing against each other in those tight hallways. Those old universities seem steeped in their own sweat, the radiators humming all day, dangerously hot to the touch.

“Christ, Ann. It’s been forever. I was worried—more than worried. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. More than fine.”

He turns sarcastic. “Oh, that’s a relief. Because I wouldn’t really know, would I.”

“You’re mad.”

“Confused. Are we together? Are we not together? What do I tell my parents?”

The age-old question.

“Well, I don’t have answers. I’m sorry about that,” I say, and I really am.

I can hear him expelling a breath. “I know you’re dealing with a lot. Your grandmother.”

“Your infidelity.”

“Yes. Yes, that’s fair. I’m so sorry, Ann. How many times can I say it? I wish I’d been at the funeral. I could have been there for you.”

“She left me the Banyan House. Well, me and my mother. It’s a shit show.”

“How’s that going to work?”

I shrug, then realize he can’t see it. “I have to tell you something, Noah.”

Two twenty-four now. Maybe it’s unkind to do it this way. But I don’t want to hold this in anymore. I tell him about the pregnancy. I tell him I’m going to keep the baby. That I have a doctor’s appointment. There’s silence. A rasp of breath.

“And, well, I think I might stay here in Florida for it all,” I say. “At least until the baby’s born. Then—I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” he repeats.

“But I’ll figure it out,” I tell him, a flash of steel in my voice.

“Jesus. Ann. I don’t know what to say. This is a lot. Why would you tell me over the phone?”

“You needed to know. I’m still not ready to see you.”

“This isn’t in the plan.”

More than anyone else, I know the plan, as if it had sprung fully formed from my brain. It’s always been there, easy as a script, with everyone’s role neatly highlighted in yellow. Noah would get tenure. We would get married and buy a big house, but not gargantuan, next to his parents’. In time, we’d have a child, when he was ready to take that step. Or never. We didn’t talk about children, only his career and his books. Travel and adventure and ballets that ended in late dinners talking with very smart people.

Now I feel so absurdly far from the life we led that I wonder if I haven’t dreamed it all up. The big vaulted ceilings with the barnwood beams, so cool and ill-fitting in that modern home.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.