Bad Jews by Joshua Harmon

Author:Joshua Harmon [HARMON, JOSHUA]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: DRA000000
ISBN: 9781468316582
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2018-03-13T00:00:00+00:00

JONAH

But …

LIAM

But what?

JONAH

But Poppy was sick.

LIAM

I made the plans before he got— I’m not— I made the plans before he was sick, Jonah!

JONAH

Ok.

LIAM

Yeah, I made reservations for dinner at this really cool restaurant at the top of a mountain and I was gonna tell her the story of Poppy’s chai but then— I should have done it already. Can you imagine Diana’s face if Melody had walked in with the chai around her neck?

JONAH

Um, no I can’t actually.

LIAM

I know, but—

JONAH

Wait: You were gonna use Poppy’s chai to propose?

LIAM

That’s why I had it.

JONAH

Like …

LIAM

What, Jonah?

JONAH

Like, do you also have a ring?

LIAM

No.

JONAH

But you weren’t … you weren’t going to give Poppy’s chai to Melody?

LIAM

That’s why I needed it. I’m going to propose to her with— have you been listening to me at all?

JONAH

Yeah, no, it’s just …

LIAM

Just what, Jonah?

JONAH

Nothing. It’s just, that’s kind of like a family thing.

LIAM

What do you think Melody is if I marry her?

JONAH

Yeah, no, ok.

LIAM

If I marry her, she’s part of our family. What belongs to our family will belong to her. And the chai would be the bedrock of two marriages of two generations of people in our family. Grandma wasn’t part of Poppy’s family when he gave her the chai. It’s the same thing.

Jonah.

JONAH

What?

LIAM

Do you not see how it’s the same thing?

JONAH

I really don’t want to be involved in—

LIAM

Tough shit, you are involved.

JONAH

I just don’t want to be in the middle of—

LIAM

There’s nothing to be in the middle of. Poppy gave the chai to me, to propose to my future wife just like he used it to propose to his wife and that’s what’s gonna happen so there’s nothing to discuss. I was just hoping, as my brother, that I’d have your support, but I see that I don’t.

JONAH

It’s not a—

LIAM

No, it’s fine. It’s fine.

JONAH

Don’t be like that.

LIAM

I’m not being like anything.

JONAH

Yeah you are so stop.

LIAM

Ok fine it’s just, Diana better not make a thing about this, because I haven’t proposed yet, obviously, I haven’t told Melody the story of Poppy’s chai, and I want it to come from me, I don’t want her to hear about it from Diana. That’d be the opposite of romantic. That’d be like the antithesis of romance, so just, like, if Diana brings it up, which, I really hope she fu … but if she does, can you just help me just quash that conversation?

JONAH

Oh. Oh, I—

LIAM

Jonah! Can you just help me in that one area, please? If it comes up?

JONAH

Yeah ok.

LIAM

Ok. Thanks.

Thanks.

JONAH

You’re welcome.

You really … (Unsaid: are gonna propose to Melody?)

LIAM

What?

JONAH

Uhm. Nothing.

JONAH opens the door. LIAM follows. DAPHNA’s casually been brushing her hair. MELODY runs to LIAM.

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